I received a surprising phone call from a friend this morning. Nice wake up call but this surprise soon turned into moments of mixed feeling. HE has received the package and letter and was wondering if i had. I felt a sudden sort of happiness and sadness and worry all overwhelming me at once. Too much for an early morning greeting. I felt happy for him, coz he would have company when he is there with all my other friends who are entering. Sadness coz I am the last one in my school who hasn't gotten the package. That also worries me that "what if I am really the ONLY one left in the school? How am i to survive without my little angels around me? What would be different? Am I gonna be alone and facing all school problems alone?"
Confused as the package came so last min. My friend asked me whether he should move on in this career of education. He is unsure of the path that lies before him, the uncertainty that he would be facing. The obstacles are many and he alone could not walk this path.
I guess somehow I enjoy conversations like these with him, where he would unknowingly pour out his problems and voice his concerns. Somehow at that point, God seems to be working through me and I was just like his mere instrument. Just as I felt the conversation was going nowhere and I with all my counselling skills could not help, Words came directly from my mouth and like a feeling of warmth overwhelming me (not coz it is 34 degrees) but a gentle soft warmth guiding me in my words.
The uncertainty in life would be faced by everyone and we all want to know what lies ahead of us and we want to walk a path of assurance. Thoughts of "What if this is not right path? What if this is not what i want? What if this , What if that?" But as much as we would have always heard the words "God will not give you a cross too heavy for you to carry" we indeed should also move with confidence. But not any mere confidence with little safety nets below us but relying totally and fully on HIM to lead and guide us. Even if this is the wrong path and bad decisions in life. Fret not, coz HE is still there, no matter what choices you make in life, he will be there for you.
Just as I am about to sleep today, I read the readings of today and the Responsorial Psalm reminded me of this occasion. How HE was there for me to lead and guide me in my thought and words.
"God indeed is my saviour, I am confident and unafraid
My strength and my courage is the Lord, and he has been my saviour."
Indeed he has been and God works in many ways to show me his unfailing love. I am growing in this place and he has a plan for me.