Last night during session - fathers love - I felt something really missing and I prayed about it but still the spirit was unable to flow thru me. There was a blockage and I was merely doing work prompted by the spirit. But in order for my words to be spirit lead , one also needs to be cleanse in order to allow the spirit to fully move within you . Anyways so as I finish my session I realise that I have not gone for confession for a long time - 3 mths (long liaos). So I decided that I needed a time for confession especially since tonight is pray over.
Took the opportunity to visit the Novena too... Drag Sean along w me but with a sense of reluctance spilling out can be felt no matter how hard he said he don mind coming w me.
The adoration was beautiful and I love it tons
Went for a proper and clean confession and for the firs time, I felt so pure ,So cleanse. It is also such a nice feeling to have Sean go for confession - after much persuasion of coz.
Returned back from camp and we gathered for praise and worship. The songs were beautiful and it related very well w me.
But songs, music and worship leaders are mere instruments that brings you to experience God.
When we started worship, I could see the tons of questions floating in the heads of confirmands ... Questions they use to ask, or are asking , doubts, hurt , pain , anger, filling up the entire church hall ... As i face with the world nowadays , i too , have such problems as well and i would try to sweep under the rug and pretend that i am alright and i am not hurt or in pain. But as the night went by I felt his great out pouring of his love covering all and these questions from them n me fades slowly away. But what was left was the tangible experience of his love , the great burden lifted and chains that binds these confirmands broken.
As for me a great experience of healing and love. I broke into tongues many times during pray and intercession. When The entrance of the blessed sacrament lead me to just simply bow down and like never before kneel in adoration before him.
Worship team lead us in some songs and as i prayed for these confirmands, i too prayed for surrender. Totally surrender to him and letting him take charge for the Rest of my life.
I rested in the spirit and This night I cried like a baby and I could not even control my tears at all. Its like as though God has turn on the tap in my eyes and let me cry and cry and as I cried he too spoke to me and asked me to let go of all hurts and burdens I have been bearing coz he created me, he loves me and he will bear all these for me.
But as I spoke to him I wanted so badly to see his face but all I saw was darkness but when I opened my eyes there he was right in front of me in the blessed sacrament just waiting for me to adore him.
From that moment I realize much he loves me despite the times I was unfaithful to him.