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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Sunday, February 27, 2011

My New Friends on This Journey of my Life

A song that resinates very dearly for the past 3 days... in my heart, my mind & even in mass today

O God, you search me and you know me.
All my ways lie open to your gaze.
When I walk or lie down, you go before me:
Ever the maker and keeper of my days.

You know my resting and my rising.
You discern my purpose from afar,
and with love everlasting you besiege me:
In ev’ry moment of life or death, you are.

Before a word is on my tongue, Lord,
you have known its meaning through and through.
You are with me beyond my understanding:
God of my present, my past and future too.

Although your Spirit is upon me,
still I search for shelter from your light.
There is nowhere on earth I can escape you:
Even the darkness is radiant in your sight.

For you created me and shaped me,
gave me life within my mother’s womb.
For the wonder of who I am, I praise you:
Safe in your hands, all creation is made new.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Parable of the sower

Where am I in all this paths?
I guess I am in the ground with thorns.
At this point , many things in my life doesn't seem to go my way. It can be hurting hearing what some people say. Sometimes it is those insensitive words of people close to u that hurt u most. But what would hurt more is those people who persecute u, through gossips through, rumours through, backstabbing.

What am doing? What am I feeling?
I feel hurt, yeah as what some people say, I am letting my emotions take the better of me. But this is me, this is who I am. Why can those that love me accept me, why can't u all... Some even call yourself a catholic. I'm also in pain, pain that my wounds have been reopen again. I've even thought of running away...

What am i going to remove ? What do I want to transform?

I guess just as the name Erica Stella signifies, a "strong star"... The exact same reason, i would stand up against all these trials n tribulations .... it is through all these trials that I am learning to be strong, relying on Him for strength more and more. Simply this retreat is giving me more time with HIM...

Remove :
I will first remove all those negative thoughts of how people view me- coz they really do not know who i m. Only those that know me can accept me for who I am (cited: Louis)

Every experience is a learning experience. Firstly to let me see how "blind" mankind can be, how they can tear people up. But yet at the same time knowing that He is guiding me to help this "blind" world. No I will still not circum to the expectation of people but rather, I will continue to love those around me, continue to be the light to the blinded world. (cited : Nick) showing them what is love.. N what it truly is.

End product:
Life is a stage & I do want to be a Testimony of His Light.

My Tiara of Persecution
"I came so that you may have life, life to the fullest."
Have u lead life to the fullest. How ?

The very first time when I felt I have lead life to the fullest is the time when I had my seen my youths in church coming back to serve Him in their own special ways. And at times even telling me that they want to do more for him. And for those who have left ministry to say something IS missing in their life.

For some who are Looking for a testimony in your life... To tell u that God is working... I guess a great testimony is for u to see the youths in churches to be that light too.

The second is to see the change in my godson, a live testimony to everyone that the power of His love can change one's life. From a person who would question every single thing about your faith he has change to be a person of love a person of patience and even has been a light to me when I was down. And even his own friends. Though some people can only gossip behind him and at times hurt him, he would never let that get him down. He would smile politely n walk away. How could someone change so drastically if not by the grace and love of someone more powerful n loving than u n me. Journeying with him these few months has made me realize that I am nothing but gods instrument to him. All I need is to let go n trust that God will work his wonders for me.

Lastly the third time in recent years would be to see some of my students that I knew/ knew , kick their old ways n turned over a new leave. "cher I left this gang...cher I quit smoking... Cher I stop fighting alr..." it could not have been my work but by he work of the one whom I love so much. Honestly sometimes it is seriously not the grades that matter but it how much u take time to care for your student. They might not need ur scolding / long hypnotic lectures but just your mere attention n love.

Don just read my post but How Have u made an impact on others than??
How have u live life to the fullest?
N if u have ... Than now how can u be better at making an impact on others?
What should u do?
How can u be His instrument of love?
Child-like for GOD

Morning mass

Both reading tie in really well together ... It made me recall how I was made...God made me his princess .. His love .. n he made us humans powerful over all his creation. But he also teaches us how to live our lives as humans too. "power is nothing without control." he teaches us to be child-like. I re-emphasis child-like not childish ...

How is it be child-like than?
Do u recall having baby sisters at home or even nieces or nephew at home. Apart from the negativity u see about them (crying , screaming, annoying) what do u love most about them? Well for me , what I love most about my nephew n nieces is their innocence... To be able to embraece the world with their innocence. To love everyone as they. Take an example ... My god children, One moment u scold them but moments later u ask them... Do u love godma?... They nod their head n run to u for a hug. And yes we are all called to be like that.. Quick to forgive, quick to love n quick to embrace. If a 5 ur old can... Y can't u ? Come on people!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Come n Journey with Me

Retreat day 1 night

Lying in bed in CHOICE retreat House , just simply not knowing what I have just gotten myself into, I just pondered about the time I just had with the sisters. It was simple, quiet yet wonderful. Someone just ask me what I am feeling at this point in time. I guess I told him. A mixed feeling, coz I seriously dono what to expect. But yet it is a bitter sweet feeling coz, when u do not expect anything, he will surprise u more.

2 things struck me:
Guys Have u been in a dance with a girl of ur dreams before? have u held a girls hand a waltz through the hallway like the world revolves around u n her? Or vice versa for the girls too.

Firstly the song below by David Haas - come n journey with me. The lyrics of this song touched me deeply, I teared as Listened to it. First time hearing this song but it is as though Christ has his own personal invitation for me at this retreat to journey with him -
"Come and see, come and be
Be all you are and All you can be
And leave all behind and calm your mind" it is as though he knows me thru n thru that he knows how I was feeling, the burdens I carry n the tiredness I am feeling.

Secondly the reading from jeremiah 29:11-14 struck me. 1st thing that came to my mind was someone who once shared this verse with me also taught me how to stand strong n face my problems, lean on him for his plan to give u these problems are not to hurt u but to help u to grow in life. Flashback of the things I am facing recently just left my eyes rolling over n over again on those words. N I guess He has his own way of saying he cares... N everything is under control.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


I guess by now most of my dearest friends would have seen my beautifully designed legs. It is hurting, wounds are open, But I guess some wounds like this are just superficial and it can never beat the wounds in your heart. What was i even doing and thinking when i fell... gosh how could i have done it. No i wasn't looking at any boys along the way. I was merely trying to get myself off the escalator to meet my parents. But in the midst of it. I missed a step & I fell.

I was literally trying to be supergirl! I was rushing to finish my shopping and then rushing to meet my parents - All in a span of 2 mins. Gosh !!! and when i fell I simply tot I was supergirl transform. How can anyone with the right frame of mind finish all those things in 2 mins.

Anyways of coz it really hurts. The pain lasted for very long , each time i put on TCP I was screaming out in pain! Gosh ! But well I took it in so as not to worry those who loved me. Thinking back about this incident, I do see the merits in it. The lady who tried to help me to the car, Literally was a good samaritan. My parents for that matter... looked around for me when i fell. My mum drove me at high speed home just to nurse my wound. It was v painful & I could see the worry from my dad. Paul rushing down from work just to send me for meeting and see how I am, Mattew & josh coming out to be with me & asking me who I am. Even someone whom I am not close to, Matthias from ZJ helped me up the steps when I was having YM meeting. They said these words that set a fire burning in my heart , " Don't worry , I will be here to catch u when you fall." Ultra sweet ultra soothing to heart for a person in pain. Of coz certainly someone special was there for me all these time. If not I would have fell & broke my nose / scratch my faced. - My best friend. - Jesus. & He was the one who made these little angels to help me when I am down.

My take away point.
  1. He is always there watching over you, to pick you up when you fall
  2. People are sent by HIM to catch you when you fall

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The pain one feels is beyond ones control
the hurt one goes through
is beyond one ability to comprehend
I can never fathom the love of thy beloved mother
seeing his only son place his life upon a cross
Only to suffer for the sake of mankind
O what suffering yet bitter sweet sorrows

Friday, February 18, 2011

My love for thee can never be compared
I love thee much further than the ends of the earth
Much deeper than depths of the Ocean
Far greater than the love of any man
For in me, thy soul seeks refuge
Thy trust in me eternal happiness


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Reject Goods

Have you ever felt rejected, useless & in-capable of succeeding in something?
Rejection is definitely one of the toughest situations people do to each other in the whole of mankind. So is it inevitable?

You can't get the job you want, You cant be with the ones you love, You can't attract the person for romance, Even your pets may not want you to be with it. But all these bad days happen for a reason. One thing for sure, it does make those good times we experience much more sweeter don't you think?

Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm. - Norman Vincent Peale, Preacher and Author

Like any other times, life seriously gets much easier if we reflect upon the disappointments and rejection - of coz in a positive sense. Recall a recent incident of how some people has so conveniently rejected me out of their life, though I accepted them whole heartedly. Turns out, it was their fear, insecurity and jealousy that lead. They put me up on an imaginary inner plateau, assuming incidents , distorting facts of what I was not.

Certainly this incident reopened a wound that was has long passed. It was than that I realized that I may not have been fully healed from the last fall.

While I was caught up in the times about what has appeared to be rejection, it came to me, through my pillar of supports that sometimes these things happen to us again and again so that we know how to be stronger to face the new Crisis, how to do it better this time around.

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothings others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. - Don Miguel Ruiz, New Age Author

While trying to pick myself up again there were a couple of reflections I made too in my life. Being caught up in all these problems, drains my energy from people I could have spent more time with, people that needs my time, people that needs me, it too brings me further from my Best Friend - God, as i fail to try to see the bigger plan he has for me.

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. - Jimmy Dean, Actor, Singer and Businessman

Stumbled upon the blog of someone who wrote this poem:


How many times have you lamented the experience of constant rejections in life?
How many times have you dreaded getting up in the morning to face more rejection?
Writers, artists, actors, sales and customer service people intimately know rejection.
So do the unemployed know rejection, especially those without jobs for months, years.

Do you ever sit down in an emotional puddle and roll in the misery of getting rejected?
“Who hasn’t?” would be a more accurate question. Everyone has visited the Pity Party.
People advise you to “Get over it!” but you can’t seem to pull yourself out of the dark pit.
Others tell you to quit being so sensitive but the hurt of rejection lingers with a stench.

You wonder to yourself how to deal effectively with the sting of repeated rejection?
It’s good to look at rejection from a completely different perspective: God’s.
How does the Creator of the Universe deal with repeated rejection? What’s His take?
God has a great sense of humor, for, after all, we are made in His Image, right?

One day I sat down to listen to what God had to say about dealing with rejection.
And God said, “Do you think I don’t know rejection? Every day I go to work.
“Half the people on this planet wake up refusing to have anything to do with Me.
“I go to work anyway. The song of Love calls to their hearts and I await their answer.”

To end off:
Sometimes it is not the destination that matters most, but it is the journey towards the destination that is the best. Sometimes when we feel like rejected Goods, know that GOD do not make rejects. Stand tall, look straight & walk on!! JIA YOU !

I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours - so enjoy the view. - Michael York, actor

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sister Danielle's Profession of Perpetual Vows

Dear Friends (especially the 1988 born babies of IHM)

I was task to send this message to all youths in the YM to invite you all for Sister Danielle's Profession of Perpetual Vows. Details are stated in this picture. Do come & give her your fullest support.

Certainly why 1988 born babies in IHM - because you are the batch she last facilitated before she left IHM for her formation. Do come ok!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Teaching of the law - Why are they there?

Have you all ever wondered What is it like without law home / church / school ?
What temporal fun or permanent Chaos there would be?
Even if it is not true, similar to that of laws in country,they are still there to govern the morality n behavior of men so that they can live together in harmony. - no littering ! So the place is kept clean n hygienic, no outright protesting preventing people from getting into fights n riots like what is happening in Thailand , no spitting ! Can u imagine if u all walking outside of the block of flats in ur nice outfit n suddenly, someone spit lands on ur head, or the lift itself filled w spits on the floor!! All u need to do is to obey n do what the law wants of u , we'll live life happier n out of trouble.

God has given the church the rights to create law.
Scribes n Pharisee : follows the law so strictly in Jerusalem that on the sabbath, men don do alot of things.
Is that really why these God's law are made? Well No!! it is made to be kept in the spirit of the law out of Love for God. However some people still keep asking about the many changes in the law. But honestly, it hasn't. For example:

  1. Catholics cannot eat meat on Friday, but people say, I don't eat meat but I eat my Fav Fish, that where is the Spirit of Law? This law was set to encourage people to sacrifice something they love on that day, the Spirit of Law is Penance
  2. Catholics who take their own life - cannot have catholic burial, but through research sometimes when people take their life, they are alr not in the state of mind, so give them a proper burial. So now everyone also wanna commit suicide. Gosh! Spirit of Law is to treasure your life that God has given you.
  3. Catholics are to Abstinence from solid food an hour before mass, whereas those 65 and above need not, than they would gorge down tons of food before mass, unprepared, and messed up - Spirit of Law is the love for God

Teaching on Anger
What is anger ? Feeling? An emotion? All of us r entitled to have it right ?
But What triggers anger? Situations that causes our pride to be hurt, our dignity to b trampled on! But well where does all this come from? How come men has become so full of themselves that they see themselves so high n almighty that they forgot about those people whom they react to with anger?
SOOooooo.... the question here is what do we do with this emotion! We call people names ? We punch people ? We scold vulgarities ? Strip people off their dignity ? Backstabbing ?

ARE YOU quick to let go of that emotions n say sorry? ARE YOU quick to love ?

Teaching of adultery
What is lust?
What is committing adultery ? Who can do it ?
Does liberal = ok?
Does it mean that it is alright to do what the media n society says it is ok?
To have sex outside of marriage. To have pre marital sex or even using contraceptions during sexual intercourse.

As a guy... How would u react on ur marriage day ! Some random guy friend of urs comes up to u n say " ur bride is hot in bed , I did her how many times"
Would u have hoped she kept it for u?

As a girl , How would u react on ur marriage day ! Some random girl guest of urs comes up to u n say " ur husband rox in bed, or best still I'm pregnant w ur husbands child."
Would u have hoped he kept it for u?

What about contraception? Everyone says it is ok! Everyone of ur friends uses it! Girls u r a gift from god for the men! A treasure from heaven (as how godson puts it) but now when u r giving the guy all of u , he is telling u ... I wan sex ( a part of u ) n not all of u (ur fidelity )!! N Men when u get a gift from someone do u only take the box - which contains the gift home n return the gift to the giver? Or would U take the box n gift home tgt ???? similarly - god Iis the giver, the gift is the woman n u don take her without her fidelity - the most priceless thing to any women.

Teaching on divorce
Have u encountered people who r divorce ? or going through a case of divorce.
It is well said in this verse "whoever who divorce their spouse - even though they have not been unfaithful is causing him or her to commit adultery !
Which brings about a question which one of my student kept asking me last year in catechism class. "what is marriage ? What is the marriage vows to u than? Y marry n than so quickly wan to divorce? If that is an intention - a game, money, a trade or a spur of the moment, or passion ... Than y get married? All this will fade... Than what is left?? --- ur hurt, wounded , n lost child ---
Ur child

Teaching about vows
You simply do not use the same tooth brush you use to wash ur school shoe or scub the floor to end up brushing ur teeth right? It is so easy to scold utter vulgarities ... But this same mouth is use to praise ur god !!


Lastly it kept repeating - u have heard from people in the past ! Well does that mean they are wiser? More experience ? No but historians would tell u - u learn history to learn about the mistakes they made in the past so u don do that in the future! But all this that we do in the future, are they going to be done out of LOVE? To build people up and not tear them down?

Friday, February 11, 2011

Though you may be far, but our friendship never fade.

Today is Nick's Birthday and I do remember that every year i do post for him. I recall last year, the reluctance i had in letting go and detaching myself from this pillar of support but none -the- least a year has passed us by, though many things has happened in my life but I am glad that I still have him close by. Many a times when i needed an advice or help, he will be there, somehow when you think that somethings you do might be wrong & you need a second opinion or a comforter, he will be there. No he has not absconded from Seminary but he has been there for me through his reflections, his SMSes, and his prayers. When others do not see what we do, he will see. Maybe like a Godsend angel. K Lah ! enough of these praises for him before his head gets too big & can't walk through Seminary Door, Happy Birthday Nick! Thank you for all that you have done for me & TOL. For your countless sharing & the multitude of prayers.


Sunday, February 06, 2011

Salt of the Earth & Light of the World
HIS PRINCESS - 1st 3 - 5 mins

Every keeps telling us to be light of the world. In order to know the Light, we need to know what is darkness right?
It is when people are hungry
It is when people arehomeless
It is when people are Naked
It is when People turn away from families
It is when there No integrity In dealings
It is when countries are Led war for their own selfish desires.
It is when Good is being being destroyed.
It is when we do wicked things to please our pride & our glory
It is when People reject god
It is when they are Not conscience of god & how much love he is.

No one WANs darkness But this is the world NOW!!

Have you ever wondered how to be a light of the world when the world is so big. I was watching this show a couple of weeks ago when it suddenly struck me at sermon when Fr spoke of being the light of the world. Princess Mia (starring Anne Hathaway) was suppose to be engage to a person whom she doesn't have feelings for. Despite all this, she still agreed to go ahead with the marriage. Like all love romance, a prince charming appreared & blew her off her feet - (side track). But as you notice the 1st few minutes of this clip - Princess Mia is seen interacting with a group of Orphan (Carolyna), she was being bullied till she was noticed by Princess Mia

Mia: Do you want to be a princess?
Carol : I can't I am too small
Mia: I declare, that anyone could be a princess
Children: Can we be in the parade
Mia: Of coz, we can do with more Princess in the world
In order to be a princess, You need to believe that you are a princess.
You gotta walk, the way you think a princess would walk.
Think tall, smile & wave
And most of all, Have fun!
Just remember you are a Princess.

In this short Conversation , many thoughts came to my head. We are all called to be his Princess, being a Princess & the light to everyone is to be able to walk like how HIS princess would walk, when you as a princess give light to those in darkness. It is when we share bread , life, resources, with those who have nothing When people welcome them into the community.
It is when clothes others with warm n understanding, when people open mouth to speak of words of support and kindness understanding and love.

When you give Light - just like MIA, you see how people change, people too learn to come out from their mask & into the light & share the love too. Carolyna Slowly takes her hand off from her mouth & starts to wave too.

So if we are Light than Now What is salt ?
They are People if faith!
If Salt looses it saltiness, it is no longer call salt !
Hence if u n I loose our faith , how to b Christ fellowerz
He is asking us to be not to b tasteless.

Are we light of the world ?
How have we been voices to those who have none? (unborn child, Deaf, the blind, the minority of the community) Princess Mia even offered to give up one of her 2 houses she has for a children's home. Would you?
How have we build one another up?
Have we been loving - home parish, work, school , world?
How are we clothing the naked ?
- Fashion design gone crazy !
So many clothes But yet there are so many people NAKED!
They are all stripped off their clothes.
We strip people off their clothes with our wickedness, unwelcoming love

To sum it all up... we need not do big things to change this world. Just be the light to those whom you encounter & every encounter make it a bright testimony of his LOVE for them.
Are we people who GIVES light or cause darkness?
Just like the princess, we are his prince & princesses, heirs to his throne. It is also a soft gentle reminder that being the Light of world - Recall the CREATION story, GOD did not make Darkness, he made light.

The end of that clip for independence day has a song at the background
i'll spread my wings & i'll learn how to fly,
Do what it takes till I touch the sky,
Make a wish, Take a chance , Make a change & Break away - from the chain of darkness !!