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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Angels & Demons

I bet most of u have heard or least seen this movie before, well though some may say that it is not a show worth watching but I would say, just like National Treasures these shows are no different from hunting for Treasure. I believe everyone of us, just like Tom Hanks may have in one way or another, played treasure hunt before.

And in order to play such a game, we have to know what our goal is. We need to get our bearings and direction right. Our focus & all it entails too. Just like in Todays gosepls brought tears to my eyes as Fr Ambrose gave his sermon. Insightful & made me ponder about my life.

In treasure hunting we need clues & maps and even directions but of coz our positive attitude that there is gonna be a treasure. Just the same Sometimes in life we may find it Difficult to trust in him but as long we have an Attitude that in the end, he would be there for us, we would not loose our bearings - this attitude includes most importantly our Integrity n Humility.

When we talk about - integrity, it focuses on god
Are we person of integrity? Is god really our everything?

When we talk about - humility, it is the Recognition that outside of god we are nothing
We are good only as far as we are but with god we can work miracle
"God is my everything , means that my everything belongs to god"
Find out thru: is my everything just for god, serve him without expecting anything in return... - rejection critics persecution don appreciate - Jesus is in total dependance for god till on the cross , laughed at abuse

What does god do?
Feed hungry
Gracious in love
Generous in love
Give him everything , ask him to help us love all

Find out thru : do we love everyone without asking to be love in return. If he is our everything - gentle patience, hunger for what is right. Merciful when they hurt us, pure in heart no ulterior motive when u love. Bring about unity.

Hence in order for us to Reach our final destination in our road direction - our real hope n destination.

Be attitudes
St Augustine : "Because God has made us for Himself, our hearts are restless until they rest in Him."
When we mention the poor in spirit - God is asking us to rely totally on him (TOTAL dependence)

Saturday, January 29, 2011


This Post is gonna be dedicated to my daddy !!
Someone once asked me , what kind of guys I would go for? and what do I look for in a guys, well I would always say to them ... if there are Guys out there who's ever gonna try their hands at being with me or even spending the rest of your life with me, I would advice you.... till you can be just like or love me like how my daddy does, than you can try.

26 years ago, this man walked into my life. He has filled my life with joy, laughter & of coz many words of wisdom. Though many a times, I may have hurt him through my words or action, he never fails to forgive me, love me & teacher me to do what is right. He is my daddy.

Every morning, my dad would wake up, make breakfast, iron our uniforms for school, wake us up from bed, send us to school before he changes for work. He would occasionally call to check if we are doing fine after our long day in school. After work, Daddy would pick us up & send us home. Coach us on our homework, before sending us to bed. He would also prepare supper for Mummy awaiting her return home from work.

What's even better is being his beloved wife. My mummy is one lucky lady in the world. She wakes up later than Daddy, have a breakfast all made ready for her, changes & get ready to go to work. After work, she comes home with dinner ready for her and supper if she is super late. With children all tucked into bed, she can sleep soundly too.

And talking about religion, he is always the one whom I would turn to for questions about my faith. I would always ask him questions after my catechism class and he would never fail to answer them. If there are times we had both hit a dead end in the answers, he would ask me to go to the priest. While most fathers go to church out of obligation and God fearing, my dad goes coz he loves HIM. A wonderful God Loving Dad too... I truly thank God that I have a wonderful Dad who loves me & all at home & would stand at the front line just to protect us. I LOVE YOU DADDY!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

AED 2010 Graduation

I guess words simply can't explain how much I enjoyed my time in NIE. & like what Shaiful mention in his speech, compared to a 3 months Basic Military Training, the 3 months in NIE it went by so fast , it is much more of a joy than a pain. As much as many times I would dread to go to school coz of the crazy morning timing, I still enjoyed the wonderful friends.

When I was on my way home & looking back at the tons of pictures I took today, I just recalled the times we had. I came as a stranger to the school, with just 1 friend I knew, Frankie. But I left with so many others.

Aloysius: Thank you for spending your precious times with me chatting & keeping me sane in my Spiritual Journey. Though it may not be obvious to you, but you have always been the physical sign of HIS presence when I was in a remote part of Singapore.

Allen: For your wisdom & knowledge. You seem to have all the answers when I ask. Just like a shifu, Thank you for being there for Lunch & Random Morning MACs breakfast & New York New York.... Miss you at Graduation ceremony!!

Alan -The young one!! & Frankie: Thanks for sending me back when I needed to be home at the quickest time. I truly appreciate it alot.

Group 3 AED Secondary: For the tons of cam whoring pics we took.... gosh I simply cant recall how many pics & memories we shared together.

Lastly our Theme Song of AED 2010

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Let it Be

"I am grateful to God,
whom I worship with a clear conscience as my ancestors did,
as I remember you constantly in my prayers, night and day.
I yearn to see you again, recalling your tears,
so that I may be filled with joy,
as I recall your sincere faith
and that I am confident lives in you."

As I sit here just meditating on the Love of Christ, this words uttered great love as though He was singing a love song to me, a poem he gladly made just making feel so good. I cannot fathom the love he has for me so great that sometimes I feel so unworthy of this love. Guess I may have failed him this time.

"For this reason, I remind you to stir into flame
the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands.
For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice
but rather of power and love and self-control.
So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord,
nor of me, a prisoner for his sake;
but bear your share of hardship for the Gospel
with the strength that comes from God."

Yes can his constant reminder of how great I am. Reminds me of the family of TOL. They never fail to constantly remind me of my strength and how I can use it to reach out to people. But I guess the somethings that happen to me, have made me resigned to letting HIM handle it. My fault it may seem to the world and hardships I may need to go through but ... Let it be be done to me as I draw strength from him who created me for LOVE. Lastly as long as you are alright happy & unhurt. I'll take it all.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

"Why are you Persecuting me?"

This very day has not been a pleasant one. I woke up late and was late for school. However that was not all, I was suppose to go out with a friend for a movie, but it was also cancelled. Something else cropped up. Of coz life still has to move on!! Unsure of what to do, my feet lead me to the adoration room in Divine Mercy Church where I felt very peaceful and calm. Also tot that I might one day want to bring my Godson here to have a look. As I sat before the Lord, I was reflecting on the readings of today. It was about Saul Persecuting the Christians. I do not know why but words of scriptures kept coming into my head as though something was going to happen. But yet within this turmoil and pain , He will still be there. I know I have been a led down. I have not been a good daughter of Christ at some point in time. Confused and puzzled by the mix feelings I have, I headed home. To my surprise my dad was at the lift landing & I just ran up to him and he helped me with my tons of things I needed to carry. Tired after a days work I fell asleep only to be awoken by some crazy news.

Never in my life have I trembled with worry as my hands turned cold & face turned pale. Someone ridiculously call to find her child who has miraculously disappeared. The most DRAMA part is that she even threaten to call the police. Gosh! How much more absurd can this be man!!! Is this how the mothers of the 21st Century behave? With all that knowledge you have gained, all you resort to is the Police! As funny as it is, I nearly fell on the floor laughing. Firstly, if everyone's child goes missing & I must know their whereabouts, than shouldn't I open a childcare or better off, been send in for questioning many times a year since i have so many close friends. Secondly, this goes to show how much communication one has with her child for them to leave without saying a word. Own child also cannot handle, need to push the blame of your incapabilities to someone else to take the rap for you? Well That's pretty sad! Thirdly, Piang eh! all this education that one has gained IQ so high EQ so low, Sigh ! wonder what they teach in the textbooks nowadays! Do you have to stoop to a low level to threaten someone. Sad Case! Hmmm O I guess they didn't teach you in the textbooks how to let go of your child & not be a control freak! hehe ! Forthly, have i ever said in my past blogs, that I hate hypocrites and backstabbers. Oh guess she didn't read it huh! Share with you a piece a news, she even got her Godmother to talk to me! aiyo! Guess people who don't know me by now, this scare tactic doesn't work on me!! Take your childish mind games to the playground of your own. 1st don't go behind people's back and backstab 2nd dare to get angry , don't dare to admit your incapabilties.

But that aside, my heart went out to know what happen to this friend of mine. I have not heard news in a while. At this point I just wanted to know where my friend was. was my friend alright ? was my friend safe? And of coz i hope my friend doesn't do something STUPID - recalling 5 promises. I prevented myself from laughing & only to ask "Do you know where is my friend? Is my friend home? "

Of coz certainly, my dad was the person who picked up the phone and apparently my dad was really upset with the situation. Lovingly as he has always been to me, he wasn't at all upset with me, but with the person on the other line. Fierce as he initially sounded to me, his words of love touched me really deeply "I am not angry with you, but only want to know all this coz I want to protect you my child!"

I guess God has his weird sense of humour, just at the same time, Matt & Paul were suppose to meet me. But what is best of all is not only them spent the night with me even my TOL family spent the entire evening with me. We spoke no words of the issue but just spend time playing games together at Macs. This is what Family is suppose to be, supporting each other in times of needs.

In this situation, I felt just the same as Christ in the readings of today. Blamed, persecuted and killed. I know I have not done anything wrong except for the fact that I have chosen to be there for a friend in times of need. And standing from an outsiders POV, this is simply a dirty linen of a family issue that is hung outside for the world to see. And no matter what happens, I know HE will be by my side watching and guiding me along the way. I will always take each situation as Christ's way of teaching me & moulding me. At the beginning I was kinda worried, ... than I learnt to take a step back and see... This is not my battle to fight, It is HIS! - get my drift

Dear God,
As I lay down to sleep, I pray that you cover me with your precious blood & protect those that I love from harm and danger.
Let tomorrow be a new day, a new beginning and a fresh start.
If it is possible, take this cup from me & let not my will but yours be done.

Your Daughter

Monday, January 24, 2011

At times we just need to touch one starfish at a time.
We can't touch all, but if it is just that one that u can make a difference to, why not?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hide out

Do you have your own hide out? Where would it be? Who would be there with you ?
What would you be doing there most of the time? How does it look like? How do you feel when you are there

I do have a hideout where i use to go when i am sad. But most of the time when i am sad, i would always have my 3 pillars of support in my life by my side to hear me out. Slowly the hideout just fades away and now I have a new hide out in fact - adoration room. It is where i spend most of my time with GOD sharing about my problems and listening to his word.

The word that struck me today was "Prayer". Guess recently i could have pass all my problems easily was the constant prayer from my friends and my time spent with God in reflections. It is like an outright call for me to spend time in prayer still. Jesus himself also spend time away from the world in his quiet hideout just reflecting just being with God.

Administering to kids in School would sometimes not be an easy task but somehow I would never fail to give that unconditional love to them. This would never have been possible without his help. I recall someone once said "it is only when you have received the fathers love , than can you give it to others"

Nicholas returning to Seminary tonight. I guess there would always be this feeling of absence without him around. The last month with him around in my life physically was HIS was of showing himself to me. No not coz he is a BROTHER but coz he has always been there guiding me in my faith & Life journey with me and life without him physically would be a sense of lost. I have always appreciated his care for me, I do remember when i needed someone there, he would never fail to spare some time to hear me out, be that same pillar of support as he has always been and an advisor. Thank you Nick.

Dear God,
Thank you for a wonderful pillar of support in my life you have given me & blessing me with these wonderful friends that u put in my life. As I carry on my days, let me not be a passerby but a pillar of support for my kids. To reach out and touch their lives just as how you have touched mine.

Your Daughter

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


No matter how far you are
No matter where you go
Some feelings never fade
With others , this i will never trade

Your smile brightens my day
A tender hug takes all my pain away
Your word heals my heart enslaved
Knowing you is the best thing god has paved

Monday, January 10, 2011

Fishers of Man

Have you ever felt condemned, judged or at times persecuted by your fellow friends or colleagues? That no one understands you in this world? The whole world - in your perception - is against you?

This reflection brought me back to a couple of events that happen in the past few days back. I felt pain, hurt and a a huge bulk of recalling back the past 3 years ago. But none the least i knew somehow he was there by my side. "he's our healer, he won't disappoint"

"Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me"

When we are called by Christ to be his followers he did not call those "perfect" people. He called for tax collectors and fishermen... people who are outcasts of the system. And the journey is promise is not one of fame and glory but one of pain and persecution. In the same way , i may not be the most perfect person, but each time i take up my cross and follow him, i recall on the times he has suffered for me to help me persevere on. This journey may not be easy but when we lean on his mercy love and graces , we will grow, we will overcome and we will learn. Just like the apostles we are called to reach out to others no matter what they do to us.

I would like to end off this post with this incident that happen not too long ago. It was funny how someone injured himself and all i did was just a small act of applying medication on his wound and he thanked me for what i did. I just merely did something which i was tot it was the correct thing to do when someone was injured but he made me recall that Mother Teresa once said: "He did not call me to reach do great things, but small things with great love."

Friday, January 07, 2011

Hmm someone got punish and i made that person sing these 5 songs for me!!! haha super nice lah hearing it coming from someone else n not me


Thursday, January 06, 2011

Happy Anniversary Mummy & Daddy!!!
You know as much as youths can always complain how much their parents are against them, over protective, controlling and strict - the list goes on... But I would say that they would always love you for who you are. The unconditional Love they give to you since child birth.
Today is the wedding anniversary of my mummy n daddy. I just can't help it but recall the times they spend in talking things out and patiences and forgiveness to each other. Being my role models in Faith and Life

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

"Courage ! It is me! Don't be afraid!"

School just started for many of you, and I guess it is very difficult for some students and teachers as they have to adjust to the sleeping time etc.

For the past few weeks these feelings has been dwelling around me. Some of you may be feeling these feelings in your life right now too. Sorrows, sadness, pain, doubts, tension, uncertainty, anxiety, worries, jealousy, despair, anger, temptations. These are the storms of my lives. While reading the passage, the words just jumped. You know like "booo!" As I had time through my reflection I thought to myself that Christ intension was not to scare the disciples but simply to just bring peace into their lives - to calm them down. The helplessness and anxiety of the disciples reveals very humanly our inability to handle (many a times) the situations that we are faced with - just like the helplessness of an infant to make his own milk when he is hungry. The calming of the storm shows the almighty and powerful ability of God to make the impossible possible.

I remember one incident when I came over to my Aunty's place and my God daughter , somehow without any hesitation , just jumped from the bed into my arms. I asked her "You not scared that you will fall if i don't catch you how?" She just stared into my eyes and said... "I dono!" Just like my what my God Daughter is teaching me - child-like faith, today's reading challenges me to have a faith similar to that of a child who has absolute faith in his father to calm the storms in EVERY SITUATION (not selected ones only)

Dear God,

Today all I ask of you is to teach us to have a child-like faith in you. Coz we know that it is only when we fully surrender everything to you , will you be in control for us.

Your Daughter

Tuesday, January 04, 2011


Be Generous !! I guess this word has been used a couple more times than expected but how often are we really generous? With our Time, Money, or even Energy.
Do we spare time for people who needs us, offer up our money to those we need it more than us or even energy to take care of those we are less agile than us. Easier said than done right?

In this time, year and age, how often do you see such acts of random kindness being shown. If someone tries to be nice on the road or in the train , we give that guy or girl a weird stare as though that person is a freak. But today our faith challenges us to be generous and share with those around us.

In the past few days I have been wallowed in the sadness and hurt of myself that i forget about those who truly love me. Todays reading prompted me to be generous and stop thinking about the ME but about the US. If we are so self-centered and self righteous, we forget about the love we need to show to those who truly love us coz we're clouded by our own pride. Just like the disciples, as meal time was coming and they - with the little they had - wanted to send the people away to get food. But Christ in all his mercy and love, shared and multiplied what he had and give it to the people to eat.

Some of you who read this may just say "aiyah, this is impossible! how could this be! and coz Christ is God so he can Multiply the loaves." I would dare challenge this believe of yours, a little miracle i have encountered of my own in my life. I do realized that whenever i give things to the needy, i get more in return. I guess it is HIS way of showing his love back to me.

I remembered once, not too long since I begin work and I have almost spend all my salary on medical bills, telephone bills and transportation etc. I had barely enough to survive till the next pay day. So sunday came and as usual the church wardens came along with their blue bag for donations. I reached into my wallet and saw that I had only a $5 bill left. At that moment I thought to myself - selfishly "if i were to give this i'll not be able to survive the 2 days". But just as i was about to brush the thought of not giving to the poor that week, somehow something within me said "give it up, it is for a good cost." So I listened to that little voice and gave the money up. Uncertain of what life entails after this, I encountered a blessing in disguise - I lost my entire wallet. Luckily enough, I had no money nor cards except the adult e-zlink cards in that wallet.

Some time later, my mum came to know about this, she not only bought me a LV wallet but also in addition, CNY came and I had more than what I gave for the mass. Guess i would say, sometimes all we need is to believe and trust in Christ to work miracles in our lives and you will truly see it happening.

Dear God,

I guess sometimes things around us gets into us and we find it really hard to share with people who needs us and our time. But in all that I do of this day, may it be an act of my generosity to your people. Teach me to be more like you in my day to day living as i part take of this journey as your instrument of LOVE.

Your Daughter

Mark 6:34 - 44

When Jesus saw the vast crowd, his heart was moved with pity for them,
for they were like sheep without a shepherd;
and he began to teach them many things.
By now it was already late and his disciples approached him and said,
“This is a deserted place and it is already very late.
Dismiss them so that they can go
to the surrounding farms and villages
and buy themselves something to eat.”
He said to them in reply,
“Give them some food yourselves.”
But they said to him,
“Are we to buy two hundred days’ wages worth of food
and give it to them to eat?”
He asked them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”
And when they had found out they said,
“Five loaves and two fish.”
So he gave orders to have them sit down in groups on the green grass.
The people took their places in rows by hundreds and by fifties.
Then, taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven,
he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to his disciples
to set before the people;
he also divided the two fish among them all.
They all ate and were satisfied.
And they picked up twelve wicker baskets full of fragments
and what was left of the fish.
Those who ate of the loaves were five thousand men.