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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Friday, July 23, 2010

Come back
2 words that struck me the most in today's reading
After a long week, I have been thinking about alot of things & at times even when spending time with the Lord, I too am boiled down by the affairs of the world that I can't hear him.

Today's reading is about the parable of the sower.

How often have you heard the word of the kingdom without fulling comprehending what is it all about? Or have you always turned away from "holy" words saying "today not Sunday, please don't preach to me.? Or even turned away from others who try to direct you to Christ? Very often we feel that we are only suppose to do God's work on SUNDAYS or only when people are looking and observing our moves. But this is wrong. If we want to fully encounter Christ in our everyday lives, we have to move away from this thinking and not be like the Seeds that were sown on the edge of the path. It is only when we immerse ourselves in HIS presence can we fully comprehend what HE wants of us.

Have you ever felt that you enjoy the presence of God and his word, but when trials comes your way, you sway and doubt or even lost at times? Well you are just like the Seeds sown on patches of rocks and with the lack of deep roots when trials occur, we run we hide we blame everyone in this world except ourselves. Or are you currently worried about the problems of the world. Enjoying the luxury of the material things of this world? These are the Seeds sown among thorns.

LASTLY are you like one who set your hearts on Christ and doing his work? Dependent on God even in times of difficulty? We can't serve God & money at the same time. Serving God & trusting in his ever lasting love means that in the times when you feel the lowest, the moments in your life when you feel that no one is there for you, yet you trust that he is there to lift you up. He did not promise life of rainbows & but green pastures, with beautiful flowers growing on them. But he promise us eternal life , a life that is much more better than this earth and if we set our hearts on God, we can change lives. Do you believe?

So, Which seed are you at this point in life?

This week I felt like crap, very often as a civil servant, we always think that we are to do our job, 9 - 5pm and once we are out of the work place we do not have any responsibility. Let me tell you , NO you are wrong. Our work hours surpasses 5pm, as long as they are under our care, in our charge we are to take care of this fragile hearts with our lives. I just let someone I care about be hurt by someone I don know, I know that person was hurt. But deep inside me, it hurts doubly or triple the time. Letting my guard down, I have indirectly caused pain, & I feel like crap. Sitting on my chair & reflecting, there was so much more, I could have done so much more to prevent things from happening. Why didn't I ? Since than I know I can only rely on God's ever loving graces to protect him. I am in a lost, I am affected by it, and i know the absence was an indirect cause of the incident. I am sorry. In this 3 days I have been thinking of the incident that I have forgotten about God, But somehow after 3 days of reflecting, I realize esp in todays reading, God is trying to tell me to COME BACK to him with all my heart and leave the rest up to him. HE will "settle" it for me. But I must be willing to journey with him & be his instrument. HE wants me to come back to hold his hand and be in his presence, casting all fears and worries aside. Just like a father teaching a child to walk & watching him grow up, he has always been a faithful God even when times we are unfaithful to him.
I LOVE U !

Sunday, July 18, 2010

a week plus events reflection:
I hvn't got the time to

Thursday:
reluctant to be faced with cold shoulder but still a need to meet up.
Had a talk (always hate it) ... felt sad & guilty

Friday:
Words of the day kept coming into my head.
I screwed up this morning too of coz
Channelled all energy on Spring cleaning of MR store.

Friday - Sunday
Leaders retreat.
Had a very nice talk with Colin. Probably one of those blue moon when we can really sit down & chat as I sat on the couch in the end room of RH.
It was overall fun but some hiccups along the way - felt terrible about it.

Monday
Enjoyed the company of my MRs, decorations & the chat along with it.
Uncomfortable with a question someone post to them.
Hence got me thinking & reflecting.

Tuesday
2 people post the same question which continued my thinking and reflection.
Tried to clarify my doubts but it was not well received "just tell me & shut up"
What in the world did I do right for the past week?

Wednesday
black face , moody face
& Someone broke the glass in the lab.
thanks to my MRs, their company was just FANTASTIC

Thursday
fun day teaching MR my PA system
they stayed till 6pm with me ... talking to them.

Friday
I met with an ACCIDENT!!! I nearly lost my life on the spot to a Hyundai Traget
My face turned pale, shocked & lost.
outing with Carmen, TOL & then nightlife with the b'day girl.
I enjoyed the company man!

Saturday
Night mares of accidents
Back & shoulder pain
went to see doc - got PANADOL

Sunday
Planning for 2nd half 2010
Still continue having nightmares of the accident.
back still hurts
Had rehearsal but still had to go police station after rehearsal - :(


Monday, July 12, 2010

"Any one who loses his life for my sake will find it."
As I reflected today on the message, it seems as though God is asking for the impossible. But as I journeyed with him all this while, I find it is not at all impossible. He is just asking for us to make HIM the priority - to Love him with all our hearts and our neighbours as well.

Recall the end of the retreat, I heard of this song ... thanks to Acts 2 who sang who song for P&W, I felt his calling me to "to live is Christ & to die is gain" , Tears ran down my cheeks. It linked so much with the readings. The more I search , the more I realized that God has all the while been standing there for me & with me in everything I do, he has been walking me all this while. In the past few days I have been through alot, but each time, I choose to look for him, When No one else can comprehend or even share this pain & hurt that is in my heart, HE can. At times when letting go can be difficult, detachment can be painful, but if letting go will help others grow, he will give you his strength to help us do so. As much as we can let go, just be there for them when they need us. "Loving someone is doing what is best for the other even if it hurts. And if leaving is the best thing for the other person, it will be." Even Christ himself had to leave no matter how much he loves his mother & friends. It may hurt, it may be painful, each time it hurts, run to God, run to his everlasting love, his big strong eagle's wings that will keep you ever safe in his care.

Our families are there for us & they are always by our side, we can choose our friends but we can never choose our family members. In the passage today, Christ is not wanting to break our families up but rather giving us examples, "do not place your security in the things of the world but rather place your security in HIS hands." Families and friendship are important to most of us, BUT it should NEVER take precedence over your relationship with God. Not that we totally neglect our families, NO but love them & take care of them as you have always been doing or are suppose to be doing. But when problems occur, and when parents get old & "troublesome" , it sometimes maybe difficult for you to handle, LEAN on God for his Love to be able to LOVE them more and more.

In addition for some, "family & friends" are "LV, Armani, Gucci, Prada, Career, Work, Status, Money or Condo." These are things of this world, which we can only bring us temporary happiness and security. What can truly make us happy and secure is the LOVE of our FATHER.

Jesus said to his Apostles:
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth.
I have come to bring not peace but the sword.
For I have come to set
a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
and one's enemies will be those of his household.

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,
and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
and whoever does not take up his cross
and follow after me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

"Whoever receives you receives me,
and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.
Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet
will receive a prophet's reward,
and whoever receives a righteous man
because he is righteous
will receive a righteous man's reward.
And whoever gives only a cup of cold water
to one of these little ones to drink
because he is a disciple–
amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward."

When Jesus finished giving these commands to his Twelve disciples,
he went away from that place to teach and to preach in their towns.


Monday, July 05, 2010



Death
A scary & morbit word. Anyone who think of this word would be suicidal & prob crazy.
As I read the readings of the day, it occurs to me that if we ourselves trust in the Lord & in his infinite power, what is death to us? If ever someone dear to you dies tomorrow, how would you feel, what would you do? Would you be sad? Would you regret?

In summary:
Today's reading talks about how Christ awakes a "sleeping" girl - who's dead - and how he cures the sick. When we say impossible. Christ says "I M Possible." The man who approach Jesus for help to save his daughter might have not said his last words to her. Know the capability of the big guy up there, there's no relationships, no situations nor hurt that is impossible for him. All we have to do is to trust in his love, mercy and graces - and that was just what the official did.

Someone once told me, " You know girl, somethings happen for a reasons, God has a plan for u, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This sentence is said as easily as it can be, but NO it is not easy to comprehend the works of my father esp. when shit happens. I tell you, when shit happens to you , plant flowers - roses , tulips etc. Don't look at it on a bad side, don't think that the world is against you, look around you, there are people who are there for you.

When we choose to die with and for Christ - at baptism, we are choosing to rise again with him of coz to an Eternal life at the end of time. BUT When we say die, we also don't just mean the death at the end of the time but also the DYING TO our PRIDE, ANGER, JEALOUSY, EGO, SELFISH WAYS & UNFORGIVING NATURE. When we can do so, we will certainly rise with him to new life. The question here is Do we want this new life?

I'm sure those reading this will say ...of coz lah! It's been a couple of weeks and at times i know deep inside me, I may be miserable, people throwing tantrums at me , giving me cold shoulders, what have you not. Some do not want me to know how are they , what is going on in their life, thinking it is the best & coz they care. Somehow I wonder, do they do these to their other friends or only to me? Maybe at times it is also because of who I am, willing to listen, be there for people that I become the ultimate punching bag for them and that people can easily brush me away or get edgy with things I do.

The more I get this, the stronger I become, each time i spend time in adoration room or with Christ I learnt to die, slowly - to fully accept who he made me to be and also how much he loves me and cares for me. Letting him be in control of my life. If ever a Day I would meet HIM, I know that I have tried. What about you, have you lived & died for Christ?