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Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Betrayal



Have you ever in your life been betrayed ? what was the event? how did it feel ? Pain, hurt, disappointed ? Todays reading, Jesus talks about Judas betrayal & Peters denial. All of us in our lives have one time or another been betrayed and the feel sucks. First you will be shocked , than angry and then pain and disappointment will follow. Emotionally, mentally you are hurt. You wish all this were to go away asap & at times you also wish that it would not have happen this way.

Today's reading also shows Jesus himself , though he was scared (human he is) but in this passage he goes on to show us that he still loves everyone including the ones who were to betray him. That is how much he loves us.

Writing this journal, I just want to tell everyone who reads this blog that I too feel & know how you feel when you are betrayed. But our ultimate goal is not the betrayal or even the pain , but to embrace all this pain and hurt and lifting them up to God for he knows what is best for us.

Recently, I learnt that God doesn't plan for us to feel pain , but he would be there for us when we experience pain in our lives and there is not one else to be there for us. I was all alone in Jurong without my friends by my side, there were times too I felt loneliness, but God was there by my side comforting me before I sleep & watching over me. My cousin & Godma was by my side , taking care of me chatting with me & advising me. It was the first time I experience my cousin's love for me. Sometimes I would just run out of the room to give him a hug when he comes back from work. He would also ask me (in his sweetest & most concern tone) how I am when I laid in bed, when I was sick. All this angels really made me feel that I was loved and embraced by God.

Monday, March 22, 2010

" You judge by appearances, but I do not judge anyone."

“I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life.”

These 2 phrases struck me as I lay on my cousin's bed reflecting. He has so kindly given up his room for me. Such a sweet little darling. This is an act of how being a light of the world is.
I would always remember Mother Teresa words " we cannot do big things but we can do small things with Great Love"

I was in school today , day was kinda bad, things did not go the way. I got lost while getting back to aunty's place with a heavy bag . Sigh* this sucks. Above all I would say i miss home.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Paralyze


Paralyze is the complete loss of muscle function for one or more muscle groups. Paralyze can cause loss of feeling or loss of mobility in the affected area. Have you been paralyzed before? Have been restricted in your bodily movement before? How did you feel then?
In this season of lent, let us examine ourselves and look at our lives. Am I in anyway paralyzed by something ? Is something holding me immobile? What would that be?

When Jesus saw him lying there
and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him,
“Do you want to be well?”
The sick man answered him,
“Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool
when the water is stirred up;
while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me.”
Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your mat, and walk.”
Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.

As i reflected on this passage in the adoration room, tears just flooded my eyes. I am totally humbled before HIM. In the reading today, Jesus actually asked the paralyzed man if he wants to be healed and Jesus Actually knows he is paralyzed for a long time. In the same way, Jesus himself knows our weaknesses , he knows our faults and our problems but it is up to us whether we want to run back to him and be humble enough to ask him to heal us.

Being paralyzed; I felt there were many things in my life holding me down and preventing me from experiencing the Fullness of his Love. In the TOL Journey camp, recalled Manfred's session, he asked us to reflect on "what are the things that are controlling our lives". Just the same as todays reading and my answer still stands the same. But what is more hurting is "what are the things that we cannot control?" I recalled my answer and I felt sad and I felt the need to talk to someone and so happen the person who happen to be there was Fr. He listened to me as I went on about my problems. After that I felt much better. But before talking to him, I felt trapped, hurt and lost as the more I try to run away from the things I cannot control, the more it comes back to haunt me. Sometimes it is to a point I do hate myself for falling so many times. I feel paralyzed but After today, I learnt to embrace the pain, I stopped and listen within myself and held on to the anxiety and pain I am feeling (learning to touch base with myself). I reflected on the suffering of Jesus in the rosary (so accurate! today is sorrowful mystery at mass)
Today in this season of lent, let us not only look at our inequity but rely on his strength to help us through all temptations. Someone special once told me, "it is not the amount of time u fall, but it is how fast you run to God to seek his forgiveness." He came to earth as a human , to suffer with us and to understand us. Let HIM journey with you through your pain and suffering, let him fill u with his love and embrace u in his care, just like a father would to a child.

There was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
Now there is in Jerusalem at the Sheep Gate
a pool called in Hebrew Bethesda, with five porticoes.
In these lay a large number of ill, blind, lame, and crippled.
One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus saw him lying there
and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him,
“Do you want to be well?”
The sick man answered him,
“Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool
when the water is stirred up;
while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me.”
Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your mat, and walk.”
Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.

Now that day was a sabbath.
So the Jews said to the man who was cured,
“It is the sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to carry your mat.”
He answered them, “The man who made me well told me,
‘Take up your mat and walk.’“
They asked him,
“Who is the man who told you, ‘Take it up and walk’?”
The man who was healed did not know who it was,
for Jesus had slipped away, since there was a crowd there.
After this Jesus found him in the temple area and said to him,
“Look, you are well; do not sin any more,
so that nothing worse may happen to you.”
The man went and told the Jews
that Jesus was the one who had made him well.
Therefore, the Jews began to persecute Jesus
because he did this on a sabbath.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

TOL - JOURNEY

Have i told you , i love the TOL pictures the most coz we're a family.


Colin is also getting to know the wall too .
as many times i have done this, i still enjoy doing this session
gosh! I getting squash this time, whao !!!
Final Group pic together !

Just returned home from my TOL camp. Tired but happy. I am glad that everyone enjoyed. Though the lack of sleep but the company and friendship forged was fantastic. I am also happy to see them grow spiritually and their openness to sharing from deep within. I am happy that this JOURNEY has been a wonderful one & I am really excited to see this batch of kids grow to become leaders of our church. I have gotta thank Nick n Paul for being there to support me. Though you both were in and out of camp, your presence mattered a lot, at least to me. Reflection times were great especially when i found time to be quiet with the Lord. But I guess i still enjoyed sitting in front of the blessed sacrament of computer penning my thoughts and hearing you.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Forgiveness



Forgiveness is not a concept (1+1=2). Neither is it a one off event. Just the same as Love. Coz love is not a one off event too. It is a constant effort to love another, just the same as a constant effort to forgive another.
Forgive & forget : an old tale saying, how does one forgive a person and then forget. Is it really forgiving or is it shelfing it up and forgetting it. There is no such thing as forgive and forget coz when you forgive you remember that you have forgiven and love make a constant effort to love the other. Hence Forgive & Remember.

Forgiveness is also a sacrifice - dying to self : Humility. (not coz you are very "chin chai") but coz you are mirroring Christ Love. Not seeking revenge in others etc.

No one is perfect but we can be perfect in showing perfect love. Hence this is why it is a sacrifice and we as disciples are called to do. The prodigal son is another act of Perfect Love

To what extend would you forgive a person? Todays Gospel talked about forgiveness to the people who have hurt you or even wrong you. It made me reflect deeper into the questions posed to me. Sometimes it is seriously hard to forgive people who may have hurt you. Sometimes you wish they would just fly away or disappear from the face of the earth. But is that what we are called to do? If the world was filled with people who do not irritate you, won't it be no ups and downs in life?

Trials (when our patience and tolerance is tested) bring us one step closer to understand people. This is absolutely true as i recalled the period of SDYD 2009 and Christmas Play Presents. Alot of friction and even trials I was put into in order to make things work. I guess if i held on to these hurts & pains I would not be where I am today.

_____________________________________

Remember I said I was scared about yesterday pulling of teeth. Guess my angel(s) did walk right in front of me. I completed surgery in a span of 15 mins. Gosh ! injection of anastatic was darn pain coz it is right in the gum (4 shots). Tears filled my eyes when the anastatic was administered, but I just hang in there just as I was told to. I held my cross closely in my palm, there was a deep imprint of Jesus on my palm when it was completed. Once it was done felt like heaven coz i need not tahan the pain anymore from now on. After the extraction, I was in pain till I dono when man !!

Jsut for you : thank you for being there for me & I am glad to know that you are there. Pictures of the times we shared came to my head as I layed in bed Screaming in PAIN! Thanks for all you have done. Love you deep deep .

Monday, March 08, 2010


Who Am I to you ?

Lk 4:24-30

Jesus said to the people in the synagogue at Nazareth:
“Amen, I say to you,
no prophet is accepted in his own native place.
Indeed, I tell you, there were many widows in Israel
in the days of Elijah
when the sky was closed for three and a half years
and a severe famine spread over the entire land.
It was to none of these that Elijah was sent,
but only to a widow in Zarephath in the land of Sidon.
Again, there were many lepers in Israel
during the time of Elisha the prophet;
yet not one of them was cleansed, but only Naaman the Syrian.”
When the people in the synagogue heard this,
they were all filled with fury.
They rose up, drove him out of the town,
and led him to the brow of the hill
on which their town had been built,
to hurl him down headlong.
But he passed through the midst of them and went away.

Todays Gospel takes about acceptance of christ & people around. When we get familiar with what we have, we get contented and when something changes that is said or done, not pleasing to us, we jump - just like the people of Nazareth.

Was there a time you were like the people in the synagogue?

Taking a look back at my life, I realise that I am sometimes fall short too. Especially to my evil step-sisters. I am trying to see the good side of them. I do know at times they mean no harm, and it is always better to build bridges rather than tear them down. This takes time but slowly , relying on his strength and power I would learn to love my step - sisters.

Was there a time you felt like you were in Jesus' shoes ? Would you question your faith? eg:Who am I ?

Yes many times, in fact today is one good example. Woke up and I got a blasting from someone through an sms, I cried, I was hurt. Felt blamed , felt wronged for all that happened. At the same moment I held on to my chain and prayed, miraculously, God never fails to provide. At that very moment 9am an angel came with his fluffy wings and embraced me. I could almost feel the warmth as I sat on my bed in tears. That very time time I felt loved. I am glad this angel is willing to start work so early. Still need him for the afternoon surgery. Felt his presence and warmth. Of coz I called to clarified what was wrong. PMS mood. What really took me by surprise was that Who Am I that he would actually shelter me with his wings and comfort me when I am all alone. I realized, I am his little princess. Forever I will be, No one can rob me of that happiness and relationship I have with my Father.






How would you react if Jesus was to stand in front of you today? Who is he to us?

Are you nuts? Can't be ? He won't be so hi-tech and IT - savvy to the future? to me, he is not only a father, my lover and my saviour but he is also my best friend. Hmm ever tot of how he would look like. (on the cross with 6 pac) it is amazing how he keeps so fit - does he goes to the gym every day or run round the world 24 times a week? but back in reality I never doubted he could come to me, coz I myself have experience his love. Trust me! don ask for what you cannot handle-(doubting thomas) The experience I had was just something I would hold deep in my heart but yet enough and overflowing for me to do his Work. At mass the thing that keeps me going is to be able to listen to all his love story for me & to be able to share in the candlelight dinner with him. (sounds like my boyfriend) hmm lets just say I have fallen deeper in love with this Christ.

Love story , no one would write 73 books (not pages) of love story to you & ask different people to read it out to you every single DAY. Your boyfriend will get sick and tired of that after doing it for a month man!!

Candle light dinner, altar has candles lit at the eucharistic celebration but that is not all. At dinners with your lovers you also share same drink and food right? Feeding each other and having "indirect kisses" when you drink off the same cup/straw - Same with the Holy Eucharist & Wine & he is just right there in front of you staring at you as you for that 1 hour as though a patient boyfriend only wanting to hear your story and problems , ready to reach out his hand to "sayang" you

Songs sang are just like the music you play to add to your romantic atmosphere. Some songs, make you feel like dancing with him but yet some songs are so meaningful that it is as though he is just singing a love song to you.



Friday, March 05, 2010

Fear



Have you fear failing your examinations that you could not sleep but stayed up mugging the night away?
Have you fear loosing a job, that you work hard day in and out to please your boss?
Have you fear a job interviews, that you panic & shiver or even read up all about the company before the interview?
Have you fear loosing a friend that you spend all the time you with that friend?
What is your greatest fear NOW?
All of us have our fears in life.
How many of us ever asked ourselves, are we afraid that God might be sad that we go all out to do things that make him happy? Have we been always stuck in our stubbornness that we ? Do I love the people around Just as what Christ is teaching us to do?
Christ has always wanted us to be loving to his people but do we show an attitude to people whom we are working with? - coz we are more superior than them or they might take over us one day?
This lent , let us look at how we can learn to love God & do things that doesn't make him sad. But in order for us to do so, we must take a look into our hearts , search within ourselves what is our greatest fear? A true disciple and follower of Christ is one who is willing to look deep into one's life and revisits the places which might hurt him/her most & see how one can rely on God's strength to overcome this fears. Not one who just carry on his / her life without a break and shelf these fears up. A difficult task I know, but yet, this is what he really means by, picking up your cross and follow me. He did not say, it was gonna be a bed full of roses, lilies & tulips (my fav flowers .. ahem!) but rather a life of trials & tribulations.
Right now this moment, my greatest fears are:
1) monday wisdom tooth extraction - not the extracting but the aftermath
2) my 3 mths in NIE - change
3) stay away from home. - loneliness away from family
I have never had such a big hit combo in my life before, it is human to fear but I guess I am slowly learning to rely on God for his strength & guidance. Just as how Jesus fears but he relied on God to help him overcome his fear. Mary his mother will also journey with me (i know tt) in this times coz it was in her most painful moment that Christ gave her to us, & it was in her most painful moment that she came to us.
"Women , behold your son, Son, behold your mother!"




Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Excitement & Craze

In all insanity , I went to Book a chalet. Planned it on my birthday but sad thing , check in is 3pm (so late) and check out is 10:30am (so early)
but none the least this fun I have just trying to book my own chalet is just ... whao ... woo hooo
SEA VIEW BUNGALOW 14 ... Can't wait for the 4/4/2010

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

SERVANT LEADER

Mt 23:1-12

Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples, saying,
“The scribes and the Pharisees
have taken their seat on the chair of Moses.
Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you,
but do not follow their example.
For they preach but they do not practice.
They tie up heavy burdens hard to carry
and lay them on people’s shoulders,
but they will not lift a finger to move them.
All their works are performed to be seen.
They widen their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels.
They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues,
greetings in marketplaces, and the salutation ‘Rabbi.’
As for you, do not be called ‘Rabbi.’
You have but one teacher, and you are all brothers.
Call no one on earth your father;
you have but one Father in heaven.
Do not be called ‘Master’;
you have but one master, the Christ.
The greatest among you must be your servant.
Whoever exalts himself will be humbled;
but whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

Reflecting on the gospel today, Jesus is telling of the oxymoron of leaders in the past. They want to be leaders but yet they do not lead by example. However Jesus is also saying obedience to the authority and those above you. Jesus also mentioned that he is the Messiah and leader.

To me a leader is one who is able to be humble but yet at the same time able to stand firm to his believes. One who is also able to lead by example. I recall Bro Alphonsus once telling me, the greatest teacher is not anyone on Earth but Christ himself. His humility, his prayerful way of life and even his servant leadership is one I learn and take after as a teacher myself. His death on the cross shows us to what extend he is willing to die but at the same time the greatest lesson learnt of all.

Last time when I was in my previous school and the starting of this school, I use to ask God for his help and guidance but now I guess it has slowly faded off my mind and this gospel is a wake up call for me. Everyday before I go to school to ask the Lord for his guidance and help, to walk in front of me , to clear paths for me. Trust me, it works wonders having to know that someone is journeying with you throughout the day. You would do things out of LOVE and not Obligation.
I guess when I get caught up in the business of everything , the tendency of being alert to why you are here as a teacher is lost , so it is very important to know why you are here & who you are serving.

Of coz as a teacher there are times we are let down by our kids, just like Jesus, tired , angry and disappointed by the way the Pharisees were leading their lives, but I also remember a story.
One day a man had a fight with his friend and while asleep he met Jesus in his dream and he asked Jesus "master, to what extend do i have to love and forgive." Jesus walked away and just than his alarm clock went off and he was awoken. Disappointed he woke up change and went to work. Along the way he saw a chapel & thought he might try his luck at asking God again. But as he opened the door the answer appeared right in his face. Jesus had his arm outstretch on the cross & with the crown of thorns on his hear and a pierced side. He than understood it all. "To Love as Christ has Loved , To forgive as He has." Disappointed Jesus may have been with the Pharisees, but he still died on the cross for those who do not love him.




FORGIVENESS& LOVE
Luke 6:36-38

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

“Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you.”

The passage invites us to be merciful to others and not be judgmental, to stop condemning other and start to forgive. Maybe if you stop condemning and start loving, you will start to also see the goodness of that person. Jesus is full of love and he invites us to love just as he love too. (not to the drastic extend of dying on the cross... but if circumstances calls for, I would.) Kindness and Love was what the apostles possess and it was by this that they were able to forgive, love and continue loving.

Monday, March 01, 2010

TRANSFIGURATION OF GANDULF VS JESUS











TRANSFIGURATION

Todays gospel reading was on Jesus' Transfiguration.
It puzzled me when I was reflecting on the reading , why would his transfiguration have to do with Lent. Later on as I went further I tot about 2 things.

Jesus Transfiguration talked about Jesus being divine. While His agony showed us that He is also Fully human like you and me. Now I know why Jesus always goes to the mountain top, just like Moses. The mountain is a place where there is less distraction and a symbolization of the closeness of God to man. I always ask a friend why do they need to be in the mountain top, Guess God has answered me.

In the passage the apostle are asleep and how often do we fall asleep and miss the God's miracles and wonders in action? I guess there are just too many things in our lives that keep us asleep to God's works. Lets take a look at somethings that distract us from God's work.

From work, school, friends, relationships, problems, assignments, examinations, meeting the expectation of your bosses or sometimes even keeping up with your parents expectation etc. Probably too many to name all.
These are all necessary things in our life that we need to do and expectation we need to meet. But don't ever forget that amidst all these expectations, leaving these worries and expectation to God (after trying your best of coz) would make things much easier for you. It seems so easy but trust me, it is not easy coz we humans and Singaporeans always love to rely on our strength to do our work. "that big guy is there , why not trust that he knows what is best for you!"

Even mental tiredness and "a life without pause" can stop us from thinking though our actions and face our doubts and problems in life.
This was once my life, till last year, I went on in life just doing things and not really stopping to see God and always thinking I was doing it for HIM. But no, I was not helping myself. It was only after I paused to listen and have a deeper relationship with God that I learn to journey and SLOW DOWN where needed or SPEED UP when necessary.
Recalled the Mary and Martha Story, We are called to be "MARYTHA" - (Mary & Marha) as much as we would like to serve God, we need to Listen to him. - take for example, even as a magician if you wan to know what to do with the deck of cards, you need to 1st listen or learn from the master / instruction manuel right?

A life that is so smooth can also hinder us from seeing the challenges ahead and the demands that God wants from us.
Sometimes life can just be way too smooth that we forgot what God really wants from us. It is only when a catastrophe hits that we start panicking and worrying of what to do , and at times why God allows this to happen. "Hey if you were prepared for war, you would not worry in the case of an enemy's attack" It is also when these problems that happen, do we trust in God for directions or think we know BEST!

Prejudice can also blind us from seeing God's glory
Grudges and hates blinds our vision and we get caught up in feeling bad, pain and even worrying about what may come that we do not see God at work. You would get caught up till you neglect those who needs your love care and attention more. For those out there who are holding onto hurts, grudges or even plotting a next terrorist attack. A word of advice, "Let Go & Let God"

OUT OF RANDOMNESS
I am interested in LOTR and it drew me that Christ was similarly portrayed in LOTR as Gandulf.
Consider Gandalf. He was wise. He worked miracles (magic), exhibiting his extraordinary, dare we say supernatural, powers. He had a group of followers who came to him for wisdom and advice. He traveled about to and fro. He died, descended into hell, but defeated death to rise from the grave, resurrected and transfigured complete with a glowing body, to then help save humanity. Does the story of Gandalf sound familiar? JESUS !

So than are we spiritually awake?
As the apostles are privilege to get a glimpse of Jesus' Glory and testify to that Glory so are we called to be testimonies of Christ.