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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Sunday, January 31, 2010


Recently an outright cry of help, today i met some of my juniors in church & I experience a sense of lost from them. A lost in direction, a lost in faith , aimless & not sure where they should go. I was chatting with some of them and they raised their concerned. I asked why they reacted in certain ways & how their faith journey with God was, I guess a sense of lost & aimlessness is present within them.

As much as i am dwelling in my hurt and pain, I should now stand up for these kids of mine. No way i am going to let this happen. I dono what a small girl like me can do, but i am sure i can do miracles with God who strengthens me. I love these youths in IHM and I do not want all these few years of building of fellowship , community & friendship to go down.

They have started to loose their faith , wondering why things are happening the way it is as more and more strict rules are impose in church . Whether or not for the better , things are changing and these youths are restricted . As youth leader as much as explanation can be made to them , but without the understanding from the adults, youths are not able to grow as they will always be seen as immature , impulsive, young , rash people.

As I am growing to be like an adult soon , I do not wish to be like these adults are - judgmental, stereotypical and strict. These are youths I have seen through confirmation for years, they are being sucked into the system of society, NS & some even university. They need space to grow, to learn and to be creative , Friendship is No. 1 , hence the community is important. As much as i love to agree we need to know and love God, but it is through our community that we learn about god and love god. To become God loving children & not God fearing. I was brought up in this way in IHM, my 2nd home, to know my community and to be loved by them that i know and love god more and more. It was through their unconditional love for me , each time I fall that i could turn to them for support, that I could come to experience God & to know him more.

Why can't people just give youths a chances and space to be youths ?
Why do they expect them to behave like how their ideal youth should behave and be quick to judge them when things go wrong ? were you not once a youth too ?
why do adults place expectations on youths, and expect them to reach their expectation , giving little / no room for error? Do you not make errors in your life?
It pains me to see all this happening in our church. A supposedly loving community. But now... a mystery.

Dear God,
As all the youths in IHM lay to sleep tonight,
Grant them a peaceful sleep,
Watch over them & cover them with your eagles wings
Shower them with your Love always
& never cease to be by their side watching over them as you are to me.
Let them encounter your love just as much as you have showed me your love.
Take away all their worries & burden for it is only you who knows each and everyone of them through and through.
Let them never to loose faith in you but deepen their faith in you each time they take up the cross & follow you

Saturday, January 30, 2010


My Day started off well today ,
Somehow it was really nice talking to sister.
I realized what i need to do and what I should do for myself
However evening turned out bad, now came home without dinner. :(
Was suppose to have dinner guessed it really went bad.
Maybe sometimes people are right , I bring things unto myself,
(Everything is my fault. - my family , my cousin, my friends look at me as though it is all my fault.) Why do those people I love (not just family members) , love to shout at me, get angry with me and hurt me. Do they not know that I do not like them to shout at me? Do they not know it hurts me? Does my forehead write there, "shout at Erica or be angry with Erica !" I have feelings too , I do feel pain. As much as I love you to let you go do what you want, I do have feelings too.
This morning while praying , I remembered what sister said, as much as you are growing , you should also be aware of the little child in you that is hurt. It brought tears to my eyes, as I know how much I always care about others and want the best for them, I would surely let that heart inside me get hurt. Guess I would slowly close up my heart from all these hurts & nurse it till I am ready.

Reflecting on todays reading this phrase struck me When Jesus asked his disciples, “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” Well this month , I thought to myself, only the Lord knows what I am feeling , what i am going through apart for some significant other, only he is able to comprehend all these. He is my God in whom the heavens, the seas and even the wind obey him . I would nv fail to run to him in times of need and joy . yet another day of close walk with him .

Thursday, January 28, 2010

During Adoration I did some reflection of my own & i recalled what I used to say to my friends & here is what i would stand by , To ALL my friends out there , I am still there for you if you need me, I would be there for you just the same as I promised you years, months, days or weeks ago.

Cliche as it may be, (my primary school poem)
Once a friend,
always a friend
True to the promise,
right to the very end.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Funny how I was saying about surrendering and today's reading speaks of the word surrender. Well Jesus ignores his family when they were wanting to speak to him . In singapore that is called RUDE. but Jesus also goes on to explain that the Kingdom up there is not just for his FAMILY but for everyone who does the will of God & in order for us to do the will of God we must surrender. Gosh One hell load of big word . Well thinking back on this word, well I recalled what my cousin said that night at Natalie's birthday. In order for one to take on the road to vocation, it is a big sacrifice, a lot to surrender & a lot of uncertainty . To truly trust in God in order to take on this path. Well not an easy step but I guess I will still be there to support you
Tired for the lessons today. Well school and work do not mix , tough like hell. :( SURRENDER & trust

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The reading for today reminded me alot of the time I went to watch Paul the Musical. I enjoyed the works & drama part of it and of coz the story. What really struck me the most today was the conversion of Saul. He changed just by Christ appearing to him etc, and he went out to be a witness to everyone in the city. Compared to me, Am I a worthy witness for Christ? Well as I stood reflecting on the readings, I ask myself, I can never be worthy of Christ but I could be a follower of him to imitate his ways. Being in TOL & a Mentor to this group am I a witness to them? Am I helping them witness to others? Am I a good Christian myself to my students under my charge too? I do not know if I am capable of it at all. Somehow I guess this is where I surrender to HIM .

Monday, January 25, 2010

My New Friends in Kaplan

I am super shag out , finally got time for myself (15 mins) well , work , study, school gosh this week is the hectic week for me, I just came home wash up , getting ready to hit my books. Before that, just read through one more time todays reading & tot about how my life was today ? Have I been Christ to the people around me ? I guess I have , to an extend but no to another. I couldn't find the courage to say what i need to say , afraid it would hurt a friend at the same time , I also no time la, School was a mad rush today. Running from quadrangle in the morning , training my ICC juniors to hall control room , & even relief teaching. I had my hands full the whole day that I could barely stop to eat , let alone think of how I am going to talk to my friend. I know my friends outside had advice me before, guess it maybe getting a bit irritating to hear me vent my frustrations about the incident. OK when I have the time I would do what i need to do. Well but today one thing that caught my attention was HUGS , one of my student went up to someone & huged him, I was looking at them & they just said " cher, I need many hugs a day to grow big ." a phrase sound too familiar but true. I used to say it , i used to get it, i used to give it, but now .............. smiles

A particular phrase caught my attention , "and they all layed hands on the sick , who were recovered. " I have been sneezing, coughing ever since con camp 2009, gosh it is not curing fully, medicine is not curing, eczema is fading but not all, I really wished all these would just fade away. Yesterday I even felt breathless at mass & at night that i seriously tot I would just hyper ventilate & KO ! I took my medication, but it is not helping. Well have you felt so pain in your chest that you just feel like any moment you will just suffer from a heart attack?
Life is short, treasure each moment you have, with the one you love, with those dear to you .

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Our Priority in life
Who have we placed no. 1 in our life ?
What have we placed no. 1 in our life?

Amidst all this hussel & bussel in life what have we placed as our priority ? is it money? is it our work ? is it our friends ? or is it Jesus ? today's reading slows us down to think our priority & it really made me think about who my no. 1 is & what my no. 1 is too. Through out the yr of 2009 , busy with projects, work , building up my career & friendship that I was kinda lukewarm with God. Only recently I started skewing myself back to God following his word, readings & taking time to listen to my inner self. Guess i can safely say God is my No. 1 , my family (my god daughter & son too), those I love comes after as they are people whom God has placed in my life for a reason , I would nv leave them alone, followed by my student, Juniors & friends. What I placed most important in life now , is my journey with God, my faith & my feeling for people around me. But somehow , the closer walk you have with God the more the the evil one tries its v best to tempt you.
Well what about you ? what is your priority?

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Does your thinking change your actions?
Do your actions change your thinking ?

a thought of the day , when I was in class I was posted this question , Nothing really much to do so I did some personal reflection & well what would be your answer ?
Well I do hope yours is the same as mine, I say it is both. but most of the time the way we think causes the change in our action. However our actions in the way we do things would also cause our thinking to change. There are a couple of examples which I thought about:

1) Take for example , if the act of abortion was seen as a norm to society therefore it is going to be perceive (thought) as alright for teenagers to undergo abortion , then youths would engage in premarital sex more as their thoughts (abortion is ok) would change the way they act (premarital sex is ok). However when you have friends who have undergone abortion & really testify to the after effects (trauma) she has . Your act of willing to listen would change the way you think about sex before marriage.
However, it really makes me wonder why youths would engage in premarital sex if they know the consequences.
And Why then would people say that they would like a wife that is pure & chaste but still not respect the girlfriend that they have?

2) take for example a child was told since young he was stupid - (like how some of the parents in today's situation always do not knowing how it truly affects them) this child grows to think he is really stupid & whenever he does his exams and fail , he would always think he is stupid as parents would always use it on him , therefore, the instilling of negativity (ACTION) on the child by the parents has caused the THOUGHT of the child to think he was always stupid hence show little or no interest in a subject, therefore the child would always think he is never capable. However if an action - seen / recognized & reinforce by the child - that he is capable of doing well, he would start passing his exams & do well in all areas. ---- this really goes to show how parents & guardians of the young can seriously influence the child.

3) lets take for example, smoking. If a youth is brought up to not like smoking & taught that smoking is not good, he would not like smokers because his THOUGHT tells him that smoking is bad hence and he should not DO. However down the line of his life, he meets friends who smoke (Army, school , poly ,vesity) he tries smoking and it doesn't seem as bad as what he previous belief, NOW his Action (smoking) would change the way he thinks & he would also not mind hanging out with smokers.

Lesson today was long but interesting & now back to my books again ... STUDY !!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

a friend who is frequently in the company of another

In todays readings, Jesus chooses his 12 disciples, he called them to be his companion and walk with him. In the dictionary a companion is a friend who is frequently in the company of another; "drinking companions" etc it is funny how I have been dwelling on this word for a couple of weeks. I guess in my life I have many friends but only few are great companions - u know who you are. Jesus today calls us to be his companion to walk with him and be by his side to journey in his way. Similar to other times in life, we have always been asked to be companion with another person, someone special, someone whom we love so much. Just like the disciples, we are told to love the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked be the source of light to those who are in darkness and give shelter to those in need & Love your enemies as yourself.

Today has been an adventure for me, close to impossible to express. Lets start with I love my CCA kids, they are ever so cute / adorable. At times when i am sad, i would look at them and they would unknowingly remind me of why i am in this school & career. Well I am stress by the video which I am doing in school in addition an added stress on a friend whom I truly want as a brother / friend is making me feel uncomfortable. Whenever i go home, he would accompany to door, see me here & there. What is even more shocking is that when I told him I MAYBE (not confirm) going for vocation retreat with Sr Angeline & TOL girls he flipped & gave me a earful. KAOZzz!

In the evening I went for evening mass & later had session. 3 new TOL members joined however do hope our wackiness nv scare them away. Greg, Dan & Man came, without them I would have peng san, To me I came to realise this, friendship/family can nv be replaced. 1 can seriously make a difference. All strength of TOL members made this very session very fun ! I do hope so for them too.

After Session we went to hup seng for makan & walked Char the new members back to 109 + (not v near). Along the way I took a route heading to a swing . I sat on the swing scaling high up , I really wish u were there to watch me be by my side , but the adrandeline rush from my head to body was just as good. Just then, I had a gash of sand in my body, Mike kicked sand into my clothes & being sweaty, the sand sticked on my , ewww but this did not stop me from putting a smile on my face. Then continued all the way home with Mike, Colin, Greg, Matt & Charmaine (new member).

I got home to bath change into my home clothes then now getting ready to hit my bed. Well if there is 1 thing i know i have gotten into the habit of , never hit my bed when i get home, go wash up 1st . Good hygiene habit also a lesson learned & nv forgotten. Thanks

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Humility - a big word that Jesus taught us all

Mark 3:7-12
Todays reading was about how God's followers came from all parts and they came to follow him. However many a times we are followers of God but how many of us are truely walking in his way. Todays reflection made me think about myself and how at times me being human has always been asking God in prayer for what I need or even what I want that at times i neglect that I should be asking God what is best for me. Guess for the pass few days God has been knocking at my door asking me to walk with him and i just continued thinking about what I should be asking him . Hmm but being the gentle him as he always am, he waits patiently for me to recognize his love & slowly draws me back into this journey with him.
Work has been stressful, well doing both IT & AV things has been a challenge for me. but well I guess I should be coping well. It is never easy to be able to stand back on my own when I all the while have people whom I love by my side. But it is alright I will, I will stand back on my feet . He is helping me walk. But Do you know when the closer walk you have with God the more the evil one comes to you in a more powerful way. Just now at mass, the sang this song & I totally fell deep into it. One of the 1st song that TOL also sang together...

Make me a servant , humble & meek
Lord Let me lift up , those who are weak
and may the pray of our hearts always be
Make me a servant
Make me a servant
Make me a servant today

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

MArk 3:1-6

Today's readings for the gospel was talking about god's love has no boundaries, just as he was willing to die on the cross for us. We ourselves could also be like him to love those whom we find hardest to love & go out of the way for those we love. I really miss the times he would embrace me in his tender, loving, care. The arms that was so big that i could snuggle up to him & rest there. Just like Jesus , his love for me is never conditional, he never counted the days he should stop loving me even to this very day.

Well I guess God really has his own sense of humour these few Months , why do i say so? haha just as I was thinking about the life of a missionary , I was faced with 2 people who with no intention or purpose did mention about this to me today. I was talking to Nick & I received a call from Sr Angeline. Well guess it is time of the month where my emotion fly and swing from east to west, thoughts swing from north to south. I tot about a couple of things in my life & well will give myself 1 year to do what i need to do , i will go where he leads me. ( marriage or vocation ?) I will let him do his will .

Monday, January 18, 2010

1 Sm 15:16-23

in todays reading I reflected back on the people requested for a king from Samuel & God ask him to give them a king & sometimes we are so impatient with God that we neglect his true purpose for us patience is not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. in life we look for immediate answers( as though GOD is instant noodle) but we must always remember His time is not our time. For the pass few weeks I have always asked God what I should do, instead of asking him what he wants me to do. Sometimes I really wonder to myself should I fight for what I really want? Is it really wrong to fight for what the happiness I want despite knowing it maybe a loosing battle ? How would the other party feel ? Being me, I am always thinking for others & how others feel & I do not want to make others upset. I am but a human , I have my humanly feelings as much as I know what I should do as Christ's Princess. Guess only time can tell, but a friend ask me before , how long am i gonna wait ? (2 years ? 5 years ? forever ? ) I do not know . Was hanging out with someone last night & I shared about how I felt ,
I guess I have not really treated someone with so much care, love & concern as I did to you.
Of coz as a girl, I would always look for guys who would love me more than I can give .
When u are sad , I would go all out to cheer u up (when I am by your side) , even to the extent of being a fool in front of u ( recalled daniels words).
When you are sick, I would be worried & thinking how you are, and even hope the day could end early so I could run to see u.
When you are not with me , I would always pray and hope that God will take care of you and bring u safely to meet me again.
Don go too much on feelings, some may say but I can safely say I am not , but I guess I love you enough to let you make your own choice & even let u go ( it is hard ) .
U know from where I am now, I know if it is hard for me to let go, it is & would be twice as hard for you. I know it is , I know u well enough hence i am not expecting any replies from u coz i do not want to force u .
I guess " patience & Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission than the fat of rams. "

* do not know what came over me to write this but well if anyone who reads it and do not understand ... ignore this post

A Prayer I found really meaningful today

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Friday, January 15, 2010

Mark 2: 1 - 12

todays reading mentions on the paralytic was bring carried in on a stretcher through the roof to reach Jesus. The faith of this man & his community of friends have saved him. In life we meet many friends, some stay , some go , some are for life while some are just chapters in your life. No matter who they are , the community that you belong too helps you to grow. If you have faith, your community will have, if your community have faith, you will have a closer walk with Jesus & if your community has faith, it gives you hope that things would happen - in his time . Thought about my community of ToL , I like them , I miss them, I do not know if all would turn up today / how many would but all I know is tt he will provide & he will be there for me no matter how far I go. Seeing ToL doing the Youth Alive ! has made me more aware of his Love to others & my COMMUNITY (family)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

1 Samuel 4:1-11

Todays reading is talks about Israel loosing the battle to the Philistines , well has God really abandon them ? why did they loose? Well reflecting on this passage helped me realize that God doesn't abandon us, especially in times of need. He loves us and he is always there for us, provided we are open to what he has for us. We must always remember that he has a plan for all of us, hence therefore he would be there for us even till the end of time. However in the hustle and bustle of the Singapore today, we tend to forget that when we ask for things , we expect it to be in our time but God shows us that it is not in our time but it is in HIS time. and I guess the same thing I was thinking about , when i pray for things and I do forget that I have to be patient and wait for HIM to do his will. - too caught up with the here and now , the immediate and the fast food style / pace in Singapore. Well we are still his work in progress and we have to give him time to shape and mould us into his perfect image and likeness.

A Class in school was unable to maintain silence & it was impossible for Mr Lee to speak to them, as such I have impose a teaching with them that I would be monitoring their behavior in the lab. For every stick I draw on the board , the class is due for the period of detention. During the detention , I would require them to do reflection & compo of their own. They were punish for 40 mins (5 sticks * 8 mins) As such I made them reflect on a person they respect most & why was it so. I came to realise that these students respect parents which was a commendable. Some of the students repected parents because they spend quality time with them and some even coaching them in their studies. However to my amusment some of the students actually wrote that they repect their parents bacuse they gave them what they WANT and buy things for them and even giving them money. Some even found it hard to write about people whom they respect the most . This was something which I feel sad for the students . It also made me think about what kind of a teacher and parent I would want to be next time to either kids under my charge or a mother to my child.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

1 Samuel 3: 1 - 10, 19 - 20

Reflecting on the story of how God called Samuel & we must always be prepared for we do not know when God is gonna call us. It made me reflect on my call, the call to serve the community of IHM , the youths & a friend to reach out to the youths who are not heard or those heard but not seen or even bothered by people who claim to love them. Thinking on my way home I took a look at how my life journey with God has been. I am stronger with him, I want to turn to HIM for everything just the same as how much I want to turn to my closest friend to share my problems, double my joy and cry on when I need. I try my best to rely on HIS strength to move on & not bother anyone else but I dono if i can. And I know if I am struggling emotionally, I know someone else is too & in fact more then me. Trust me , I know u are coz I can sense it from where I am , hang in there , lean not on your own ability but on his strength.
*ahem*, but something that Nick use to say to me, my calling to vocation - it nv left me to consider too.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


In today's readings, Jesus casts out the devil from the man. And in today's reflection, we are ask to look into our lives, and recognize the "demons" in our own lives, is it Sin of Greed, Lust, anger, Jeaousy , pride , sloth or gluttony? is it an addiction to certain things, people or slavery to any emotions? We not only must recognize them but We must always remember to turn to the Lord to free us from these bondages.

As I thought through the readings I look at the past year in my life, it is not easy journey, it is bumpy, rocky and at times even I feel emotionally low. In these times, he has always kept me close to him , taking care of me and walking each step of the way with me. I can see it from the people who were with me & who stood by me through out these times. HE has certainly sent them to me , it is not by chance & i believe he will always be looking out for me in no matter what situations I am in, Coz he will nv give me a cross too heavy for me to carry . With each fall I encounter & overcome , I grow in faith. Recently, I have been a slave of my emotions but I know he was there by my side fatefully guiding me showing me the path to walk out of it. Whether I am able to get out of it , only He will know & only time can tell.

7deadly sins

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Hey At the Arcade, fun fun time! Oh my Goodness group
I was about to smash Terence head !!! haha
another cute shot! Terence is pro !

Terence is pro at this no doubt about it
hey hey nice pic ... of coz ... my camera
See someone is trying to catch me !! :(

Learning to take photos without help of others
Amanda & me ( super sweet smile from Amanda)
Group shot ! not all are in but least most are!
My co-facil, gosh my 1st time i work with someone I am so comfortable & I miss the camp !
Girls Rulez!!

Saturday, January 09, 2010

You are forever in my life 
You see me through the seasons ( when i am sad, in pain, crying, hurt, happy & stress)
Cover me with Your hand 
And lead me in Your righteousness  

And I look to You (for comfort, for a hug, for love , for a shoulder to lean on )
And I wait on You  (to share problems, to double joys)

I'll sing to You Lord A hymn of Love 
For Your faithfulness to me
 I'm carried in everlasting arms 
You'll never let me go 
Through it all 

Friday, January 08, 2010

Today started off bad... like really bad, woke up with a bad headache & tot i could & gonna sleep more to overcome it but the pain still lingers. 8am i woke up , my head is like crashing in on me, sigh it is really pain to even start opening my eyes & even being awake. the next time I woke up 9am sigh! pain still there, guess what! I have a nose that is gonna run away, and a cough that has been perpetually there. This day started off bad I guess & even went to church with Nat to book rooms, she was early. Thanks babe!

YM Youth Alive (book Hall, Canteen, Upper room, Grotto, Sound system room )
Consent form for Passion play out to Sec Level

Rehearsals on saturdays for Passion Play
6 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
13 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
20 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
27 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm

6 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
13 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
20 Feb Rehearsal 7:30 pm - 10pm
27 Feb Rehearsal 8:30 am - 6pm

anyways after that I drove to buy my food , near botak joans (dan's place). My family wanted to eat wanton me but when i reached there it was closed down. Have to order char siew rice., Sigh! When I got home my mother started nagging at me, "make sure u go for your dad's birthday, must buy present, don make him angry when i not around etc." guess I am not in the mood right now to hear all these words (though thanks for reminding) Maybe I am not feeling well these few days. Sigh !

Later on went with ally to SP , haha funny how many people I met with her in just 1 day or rather 3 hours
5-6 people .. haha her friends our friends and my friends.
ANyways O lvls coming just wanna wish all of the youths good luck.

Just had a relieve from my gum. Was out shopping with my parents. yeah still with the ankle pain but still shopping away. I was so tired out but anyways my gum just started to hurt. it was not the teeth neither was it external. it was in the nerves and it is killing me. Took Panadol, couldn't cure, than 1 hour and the half later i "hoot" one more Ponstan hoping it would cure but no. Sigh ! I was tossing and flipping on my bed kicking all the toys off the bed due to the pain. It was simply unbearable, I was literally in tears half the time, later I saw a fisherman friend and took one and placed it next to my gum. HEY HEY it worked. just left it there & the pain subsided. ok la better est I need to wake up early for Comissioning mass. BTW thanks for your sweet prayers, it really helped. It really let me know you are always there

"you are the God that healeth me, you are the God my healeth."

today's reading is on healing. Somehow ironically i really need his loving touch & care. I just ran to church(not literally) for mass, hoping just to hear his word. (stupid right?) gosh! have not really been like tat for a long time. Anyways payed attention at mass, trying to keep awake, the sermon on healing really started me thinking. Sad enough i injured my ankle (3X ) yesterday, clumsy & fat me. I am also having cramps due to ....... ahem* but that didn't stop me from wanting to go to church. I have been sick for the past 2 weeks, cough & cold, nv seem to disappear. Well , thats the physical hurt, well emotionally I guess so too. Empty inside me , i do think about the past. But guess the past is the past, let the good times be memories and the bad times be an experience. "Only time can heal all wounds." they say, but to me, "only he can heal my wounds. " Had hiccups along the day but each time I faced it , I felt like a warm hug from the back telling me, "it is alright, I am here my child."

I wanted to call u just now to tell you today at mass some words came to me, Perservance & Our call to vocation as lay people or missionary, I just wanted to say , Jia you! guess things didn't quite turn out that way, I was happy yet in pain as I was talking to you. Sorry if I am lousy, I fail at making you smile, whenever you're sad, cracking jokes, or even sound funny. I am sorry tat I may seem to not know you well. My leg & tummy hurts like mad, no one to rub it for me, dad not around to rub for me, well i think i will just leave it as it is. Sigh ! * hungry *

Monday, January 04, 2010

1 Jn 3:22–4:6
We receive from him whatever we ask,
because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.
And his commandment is this:
we should believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ,
and love one another just as he commanded us.
Those who keep his commandments remain in him, and he in them,
and the way we know that he remains in us
is from the Spirit whom he gave us.

was reflecting on these words for today, Ask & you will receive if we keep his commandments. that is true , absolutely true, these pass month, I have been journeying with God & listening to his words, I just say that God has been really kind & generous to me. giving me loads of borrowed time. Loads of fun & good memories and loads of things to learn.

Really thinking to myself. somehow it is amazing that God so loved the world that he gave his only son to us so that we may have eternal life. Who am I to reject the will of the Father and stop him from doing what God wills him to do. It may not be an easy move but we'll journey together & i'll help him with this cross. I am sure somewhere in our lives we need someone to journey with us, and i know being in this ministry which he has chosen it is even harder to find someone whom you can journey with - except God. Sitting at McCafe drinking my fav drink and feeling the wind blowing through my hair I just can't wait for what obstacles God's gonna put us through. I just wanna tell God," bring it on!" coz I know you will not give me a cross too heavy I cannot bear. I wanna grow to be closer to you Lord walking every step with you by my side.

A quote came to me, for those who are my friends & love me loads & those who wanna know me better ... this is something I like alot.

- don't walking in front of me, i may not catch up, don't walk behind me, I may not be able to lead, just walk beside me & journey with me. I love you

Randomness: McCafe at 11pm in the open is super cold. I am wearing my jacket & drinking Caramel Latte & I am still cold. Gosh! tonight is gonna be a good night !

Sunday, January 03, 2010

"the essence of teaching is to make learning contagious, to have one idea spark another."

No an easy task to do , well but I guess to me the greatest teaching that ever roamed he earth is JEsus himself. He taught us love , he taught us what is right and what we should do to gain HIS Father's favour. I am so glad that I knew this great teacher.

Guess today had not ended till now, i was talking on the phone with nick, I just shared with him how i feel. Well he did too, of coz I heard every thing he feels, I am so sorry to make you feel upset, guess sometimes when you do not have the chemistry, it just ends. Well as much as you feel guilty , so do I . Each time you say you are guilty, it makes me hurt more coz I would reflect back on the times when I could have held back the secret & not tell. I don ever wanna see you sad, guilty, I just want the good old times back , like friends we were.

We chat till phone batt flat, guess that is when God is really telling us to put down.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

“Optimism is the faith that lead to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope & confidence”

guess after these few days of intensive reflection and closer walk with God, I start to see the many angels that God has placed in front of me to help me walk.

Ally, chatting till 12 midnight, so sweet of you & I really like this close walk with you.

Matt & Josh, random calling me out, just to walk, chill and have fun. – matt no ghost horrow shows….SCARY!

Carmen, though I can be v irritable at times (exam stress) you nv fail to call / buzz me. I love you deep deep girl

Paul, You nv mention anything or wanna touch the topic when I am with you coz you know I am sad, in pain . Thanks for caring and loving me.

Fr Aloy, though there was nothing you know but just having you there puts me at ease. I feel comforted & each time when you are there , you seem to know how I am feeling. (doubt you really know ) but it is a peace I cannot describe.

God puts this angels there to help me walk , stand up & feel his love through the people around me.

Friday, January 01, 2010

"May God let his face shine on you and bless you"

today, I went for mass, Fr Aloy mention on us counting our bless. This day is a time for stock taking. I guess in my reflection for today I will recollect the tons of blessing I have had this year.

  1. A wonderful and unfailing God who is there for me & never love me any lesser
  2. A wonderful family, who nv fail to support me when I am down
  3. 2 Wonderful Godchildren whom God has so lovingly blessed me with.
  4. A group of supporting AV kids in school
  5. Loving colleagues esp. my TAs, Ismail, Taqi & trainers : manuel, crey
  6. for me to get a mac book
  7. for giving me great friends ,Louis, Andrew & Johnboy (Though busy nv fail to check on me)
  8. The chance to know new friends -- SDYD , PC, SFX etc. I will nv forget all that we have gone through for the 1 yr of prep .
  9. For getting what I needed / wanted for Christmas --- Crucifix, HP & jacket
  10. The Chance to once again start studying. -- although I doubt i did well this term :-(
  11. A wonderful external Family of TOL:
  • Carmen who has always been there whenever I need a shoulder to cry on, a loving advice or a "wake up" call.
  • Paul, always loving me so much that it overflows. You nv fail to give me all the help i need & pamper me with the things I want. Too bad work ties both of us down & time is nv on our side. hope as we plan session & work towards 2010 , we have more time to spend with each other planning & chilling out too. Study hard boy
  • Nick, not just an adult adviser but someone who I can be with & seek comfort in all the time. The time shared with you for the past 2 years was the best time i ever had. - from project to fun you are always there to support me. I am so gonna miss you , actually now I am feeling it already .. make sure I am still on your top priority list when u go in.
  • Daniel, Manfred, Greg, Ian : it has been a rocky 2009 but I am sure glad that you all still stick through thick n thin with me. Do hope to have you all by my side for 2010.
  • Charmaine, Matthew, Mel Josh & Jared : All have their strength & weaknesses, but none the least you have all thought me have to love, in a different way & I thank God for letting me love you all so much - unconditional Love . Really glad you guys join coz of me but do hope you all have gained a closer walk with God too. -- don forget to count your own blessings too
  • Ally, Colin, Dunstan & Natasha : always ready to open up to me and share their problems with me
I am sure I have forgotten some but I know that the list will also nv end .. I just wanna say , of all things , The loudest applause goes to Jesus, for without him I would not be here. I am glad I am your little princess.