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Sunday, February 14, 2010

My Fault

Dear God,

Well guess this new year started off real badly. I was with my relatives when they asked me how I was. Further into the conversation they asked about my plans in relationship. I recalled the feeling of despair when I was actually looking for houses - in july etc. now ... guess it was all dashed. Nothing beats the hope of despair from someone you love. Further more when they hear that we are no longer together, all attention turned to me. Questions of Why? how come? you know he is such a good guy! can u imagine how it feel on his pov? aiyo poor guy! u not young alr don be so choosy. you very selfish you know ! U think every guy is gonna be like him after so many years still treat u like an apple of his eye! it is all about him him him , it really made me feel really low, really bad and hurt . from the people I truly love and meet once a year. I am hurt. People who used to pamper me just said things without sensitivity at all.
At the many times i felt hurt i remembered you and the kind of condemnation you had from the people u love n put on a smile on my face and walked away. I had a hell load more than any other years but to me NO amount given to me could cover up the pain and hurt i felt from the ones I love.

That night I took a walk by the ECP beach, it took me by surprise coz I tot of just spending the last few hours at serangoon mac alone with my coffee and me, it was still valentines day, of coz many couples were holding hands walking pass me, [ jealousy creep in ] and as I stood by the sea and watched the waves crashing on the side of the jetty and the shore, I recalled the times I always run to you when i needed some time with you. I remembered always surrendering my problems into the sea. With each waves that comes in, it represents the ups and downs in my life. but with each waves that went out. I will plant my problem and worries on the wave and let it carry out to the far ends of the horizon where u can hear my cry for help. Guess I enjoyed the company that night at the beach a lot, although there were tons of indians around, to be able to share my problems with someone and still be understood and not judged , the moment spent was just "one moment in time"
Thanks for always sending me your angel when I needed one.



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