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Welcome to My World

This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Thursday, December 31, 2009

“Every adversity , every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.”

The last day of the year, a day you would love to spend with the one you love. I am , but missing some people , but I do hope they are doing well. Had loads of fun in ally house, but I guess when I was on the phone, I looked up at the sky & the one on the phone, “sigh! Tonight only have moon no stars!” & a common consensus was met, but I guess that statement made me think more, that no matter where I maybe or where I am , I would always be seeing the same side of the sky with those I love. It really comforts me & like an enlightenment, a sense of letting go overcame me. Unwilling as I have been, if someone or something is yours no matter what circumstances it could be, it is yours. Guess I learnt that to Love someone with all my heart but at the same time have him love me back in the same way or maybe even more. In addition , if u really love someone, let him go, attaining someone but unable to reach deep into his heart would only end up hurting both.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

"don't try to be outstanding, don't try to be a success, don't try to do pictures for others to look at"

I am dead bored, sitting in front of my com, rushing my work out. the word count never seem to meet 3000 and I am pass my deadline I am upset, pissed & irritated. gosh I am like a walking time bomb. I want to break free! I am just sitting here venting my frustration over my stupid assignment. Bet i'll sure fail this module. I dono how to do at all I have no clue what I am doing with this module. Lost faith in myself, in doing well n i see my dist ... flew out of the window.
But on the sideline this is something I am feeling too - I wan to have you back, I don have the guts to say I don think it is right either, u made the choice, I should respect it. -- I feel so human!

Just saw ur sms, it was not only comforting but warm. Thanks for your support to me. I am grateful for having u.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"a pessimist is a man who thinks that a women are bad but an optimistic man hopes that they are"

Just finish a movie with daniel & all those that i love, I honestly see the great times we used to have & i missed it. look at the past photos we had taken tgt.
Somehow things seem to be so comforting , all the young ones that I love came today. I enjoyed their Presence so much. I know I had to be home studying but none the lease I wanted their company more. I stayed till 12 mn then went home.

Well met Fr yesterday regarding some stuff today, I saw a different side of him, not the playful, not the lame but the serious side. but I know it is then he has this side to him, the side that means business. Well somehow I am getting on pretty fine. Was in school today & I simply wanna work my ass off to stop myself from missing u. but I told myself, loving someone is to let him Go. if he returns he is mine to keep if not this is God's little dessert for me throughout our friendship.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Went for mass this evening after meeting with Fr Aloy, and the reading today talks about Fear coming from King Herod. Through out the mass i tot to myself remembering someone once whispered to me when i was scared
"be not afraid! God will nv give you a cross too heavy for you to carry."
-- dono if he still remembers?

Had a great game of badminton. But woke up this afternoon with an injured right leg but I still dragged myself to play. To me, I am in form today "so i tot"
I channelled all my energy to focus on badminton.
I love the games. hmm strangely enough I love the games which I played with Fr Aloy, trashing carmen & josh.. opps. Not coz we trash them (partly mayb) but coz strangely enough, I kinda feel as though Father knows what is troubling me (doubt he knows) & each time he give out this snigger that sends me bursting out into laughter.

Was wondering how you were doing today . It was raining just hoping you kept warm.

"Love involves a perculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding"

another borrowed time from God on Saturday
we went looking for your HP - seeing the smile on ya face when you got ya HP
a priceless yet memorable one!

I woke up today, knowing it is all over ,

i know i cannot pull through all this on my own.

I wish i could have you by my side to help me.

I played all the christian songs I have in my playlist. for the 1st time in my life i am looking for God so much, hoping he is standing somewhere in my songs.

I am learning to live without you by my side, something that is practically impossible,

I am trying.

I started opening my books and studying.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

" the best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good and how he treats people who can't fight back "

As fearful as I mayb of what lies in store for in next year I hold firm to this statement as to me, no matter who you are or what you want from me, I just have 1 God I have to answer to and 1 God I have to serve.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

" When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision (feed HIS lamb) then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid or not

Saw a deployment list , My heart sank, I started going mad (crazy) , I left Daniel's house, went to find Nick, who is not v far away from me. Gosh ! Guess he is one who will be willing to listen & comfort me & even calm me down, & soon I am gonna miss him more.
For all you done for me through out this 2 years Nick, Letting you go is the hardest thing that I would need to do. *sigh*

Friday, December 25, 2009

"it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly then to live an imitation of someone else's life with perfection "

My Niece & nephew exploiting my comfy bed !
look at her face when she just woke up !! awwwww so cute

I do not want to live in any one's shadow. I want to walk with you all , not in your shadows.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve & Shelock Holmes

I guess this is like kinda the last time we are gonna have lunch tgt.
I have been asking for many many borrowed time from God.
We had a great lunch & many things we found out about each other
"smile a little smile for me"
A15 & A14

Lee Hwa Jewellery, looking for my crucifix! Thanks for the present.
It is something really heavy for me to carry
Merry Christmas & a Blessed New Year !!

my dears 1988 batch - except nick & me
Fr Aloy & TOL
Our FAmily of TOL - not complete yet many people away
our last few pics with Nick
TOL christmas pic tgt

My Jedi Master
Daniel , Manfred & Me
Mitch & Me - every so glam
Boy boy & Me

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Life's A STAGE ! Farewell Nick ! we'll always remember you

Avatar 3D
TOL Group Pic :)

Monday, December 21, 2009

" formal education will make you a living; self education will make you a fortune"

Sometimes I sit back and think of what this means, why am i studying so much but yet the world judges you still base on ya education? this is so reality check. At times I look at the world above & envy those above. you do not need all this paper to do well up there.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

" Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss ideas "

We were at a meeting today, I do not understand why they kept picking on people.
at 1st I was ready to jump but later as I sat there reading this message,
I started to smile to myself.
I sms Nick the message & to me I acknowledge the problems they see, however I know my babies well enough.
I know who they are, what they are going through, I love them just the way God sent them to me.
This is church , we accept everyone, no matter what race, colour, or even past you had, we should not judge right. So why r u judging my kids?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

"don't let your life pass you by , weep not for the memories"

I dono why am i blogging,
I am not sure what to say
but all i can say GOD has his own sense of humour
all we have been through tgt, is it just a goodbye away?
I will be strong from now on, living alone, life without you physically there.
but I will remember you !

Somehow God loves to teach me detachment the hardest ways. Last time & now you are the 3rd. But I will always keep you in prayer

Friday, December 18, 2009

"if we had no winter, spring would not be so pleasant:
if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome"

Maybe in work, I climbed from where I am, & In church I am where I am today coz I have tasted what is it like to do things the wrong way, Experience is the master of all teachers. Even TOL, I am who I am coz we have went through rubbish , shit & nonsense together. Our family stays strong. No matter what happens we are a family. Family goes through thick and thin.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

" knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can do. - in fact that is good taste"

I'm God's "work in progress" pls be patient with me. I know I what I can do. I know I can make you happier, I know I can do many things if i want to. At the same time, I am knowing what I cannot do too. With you, I am growing, learning & maturing. Thanks

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep"

I have made many mistakes in life. Each life experience I have I turned it to the best & help those who needs me. I am not perfect , God's still "work in progress" with me. But i know that I will be his precious Gem no matter which day of my life!

Life's a Stage !!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"no matter who says what, you should accept it with a smile and do your own work" - Mother Teresa

a Statement I feel for. NO matter how we feel for some incidents that has passed us by, we should just "smile a little smile for HIM" Gosh! am i getting the Nick syndrome, I becoming very accommodating with this happening & standing up for what I think is not right. Is it good or bad? becoming more like your adult advisor

Monday, December 14, 2009

" when we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcome,
but when we are silent , we are still afraid. So it is better to speak."

I guess being with you for this few years, I have learnt the above statement.
I am enjoying my hols, being out with friends, latenights, etc
honestly i like this life, Thank you God.
Though things sometimes are not smooth but I try to make the best out of everytime I have

Sunday, December 13, 2009

After a long day today from confirmation mass, I took a look at a friends blog and I saw a phrase really attracted me

"Trust entails complete surrender of my expectations and wants.
I can't claim to trust God but only by my own terms and fancies.
Trusting God means letting Him do pretty much whatever He wants, even if they seem to cause me much inconvenience, hardship and suffering, yet believing fully in faith that He means only to prosper me and not to harm me, means only to love me and do what's best for me, even if I can't seem to see how it works out until much much later, or never at all. "

The above experience also taught me to learn how to praise God even when things don't go the way we want them to, even at the most inconvenient and unbearable of times, and to learn how to let God be God, and not try to teach God how to be God.

It is funny how God works Seriously

Saturday, December 12, 2009

"your words are bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize"

Sitting downstairs my house writing letters for my precious kids.
Just being there and writting, I just wondered to myself, this has always been a great tot I have to be with someone just doing things tgt. - isn't this what friendship / relationship is all about?

Friday, December 11, 2009

"there are 2 ways of spreading light, to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it"

as much as you ask yourself or question your direction in life, so am I
I hate to say this but I guess life is full of choices
When you make a decision, bravely walk down the road.
Don look back and regret
I really don wan to regret what I am doing too.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

" the best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good and how he treats people who can't fight back "

Dear friend
I told u something that I kept inside
I don wan u to be affected
I am sorry I kept it for so long
I am sorry if it hurts
I will leave you alone
I will give you your space
I hate myself for hurting you
but I still care about you
I should not have said it
I should not have done it
I blame myself for all this feeling
I just want to treasure every time with you
I don wan any quarrel
I don wan any argument
U say i do not know you but I totally understand how you feel
I just wan this friendship to last
If i could turn back time I would not have said it at all
I am sorry
I will leave you alone

Do you know how I feel?
I feel sad .. seeing the way you are
I feel hurt .. knowing you are hurt
I feel bad ... telling you the things I shouldn't have
I feel evil ... I know it is satan behind this
I feel lonely, neglected, unknown by you ...
I just wan .. U to be happy & that is all that matters
Seeing you like this is not making me Happy
I just wan to cherish every moment & time

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Slacking at starbucks
Nick n me
Let me give you some light Nick.... for your HP

Movie appreciation

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Today is a day back from camp .. haha did not even sleep a bit this very day ! I went out and chill the very next day !! gosh I am so enjoying the holidays i have!
I love the company. I enjoyed every little time with you .
Went for breakfast then came back!
Very soon we will have to part our own ways. I will miss you for sure.
I realize i will not sulk over you leaving but I will make it the best for you !
Every bit of it happy memories
:) Later that day we went ben and jerry to eat, bring back memories & I realise you just overpower all those bad memories already.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Guess this day has been a rough day for me
went to school to do work wanted to leave early but could not
Had to finish up what I needed to do & in addition think of publicity for TOL
Later on mum & Dad came to pick me home. They were here late but it is ok with me but when I got home had a earful from them & didn't even feel like I am being part of the Family at all.
Felt really sad and lost & they did not send me to Macs for meeting. I took a cab there.
I found out the young darlings are gonna be late.
When they came, I was happy to see all of them. I miss them all the times and fun we had.
Guess time has passed so fast that we hardly realized.
Had a trashing out session at macs but I really found it worth my time coz i really wanna hear what they had to say.

Wanted some quiet time on my own. I wanted to go home but I looked back at the argument today I do not wan to go back at all. Look at the others they are all tired. I donno what to do where to go. I sat at my void deck for about 2 hours before I knew for sure mum & dad were asleep.
But when I opened the door, someone from the inside opened for me. guess who it was?
yeah he was waiting for me to come back. Tot I would get a earful again but not we did not say a thing but he just said, "hi! so late alr go sleep!"

I guess this is what family is all about, we fight, we argue, we share good times , we share the bad times too & at times we do not know why mum and dad wants us to do things but we just do coz we are afraid if we do not do they will scold. But when we grow up we start to realise what they did for us was for our good. At times when even brother is not around, it is the best time I can bond with Dad & Mum coz the attention I get from them is double then when I am with brother. The more I share with Dad & Mum about my problems, the more they know me. My own family is a pure example of the unconditional love.