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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
Do respect my thoughts & refrain from unnecessary comments.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

guess you would read this to know what is going through me right now.

A BLADE THROUGH MY HEART PIERCED WOUNDED AND SCAR

I went to IT show today received an sms to meet for dinner I went
Don expect anything seriously good to turn out.
You brought along 2 people whom i don even know to sit for dinner
you didnt tell me - so much for respecting me
I felt like just turning back on you and walk off through out the dinner, I could but I respected you in front of your friends. DID you , to me?
You said you deleted your blog in my tagboard, you didn't. You lied again AGAIN!
You said you were nicer to me before. Yeah What happen now? 
You left someone unknown to talk to me for what ? you got no courage to talk ? It is seriously none of their problem. Settle it yourself gurl.
You told them i was after you .. please I just ask you if you wanted to continue this sister friendship we had. 
They said you were freaked out. please I just cared for you the same just that you didn't want.

Know what I was told: 

STAY AWAY from TESSA. 
Is this what you want? I will (if you want it... i will) 
I will get out of your sight.
I'll Never to be seen in front of your face.
I'll Never call you. 
You taking it very hard on yourself. (for what ... I never left you. I just change school.)
You drink , you smoke. (for what ... seek attention?  it is your choice)  
Don explode things that are small and easy to be solved.
Guess what ? YOu are baptised and you lied to me about you not getting baptised. Lied Again.

The talk (uncalled for)
Why? 
1) I just wanted to hear from you not them. (it is none of their business)
2) is that the way how people wanna get you away from me. (it is between you and me not them) - think about it .. all your friends want you to be away from me even teachers. 
3) I see you found your new sister who will share your problems with already. that is the reason you don need me.
4) They told me to let you know/mix Friends of your age. please , Mat and maine are also my friends so how can you explain tt
5) your work slack coz of me . you not performing well coz of me. Why is i my fault ? No one to blame for you poor results so push everything to me ( smart escape.. now i am the scape goat right?)
6) They say you donno how to sort out your emotions. I think you can but you refuse to face your own feelings. hiding behind a MASK and PRIDE in you. Why do you wanna harden your heart to people around you ? 
Just ask yourself:
- Is this what you want? (STAY AWAY from YOU)
- Is this called friendship? 

Why did i ask you what i did coz ....
You sms few days before and say you sad you crying you look through our past .. sorry for all the things tt has happened.
I just called you back and ask you if you still want this friendship to continue.
What is there for freak out? 
(so you didn't even mean what you say)

Seriously think for yourself gurl. Don let other people make decisions you. The CHOICE is in your hands. 

Good bye 
Thank for waking me up.
(I do not use friends and love things , but use things and love your friends, Do you?)

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Matthew Chapter 18
Dealing With Sin in the Church

    15 "If a brother or sister sins, [a] go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' [b]17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

    18 "Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be [c] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be [d] loosed in heaven.

    19 "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."


Well this passage hits me a lot. Why coz the portion where it says "If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." it does not mean hate them or what it means to love them more. Why coz these are the people who people do not like or may have hurt people more and they represent people who hurt us, hate us and at times wanting to hide behind a mask. So i guess the more you hate me the more i will pray and love you. Once twice throw me down and hurt me. I'll still love you. If you shunt me away , i will just stand from afar and care for you. I'm not God I can try to learn from him.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

 Ask, Seek, Knock

    7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened.

    9 "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

Everything seems so different. You , your words, hmm it hurts. you know it. Why do you impose your hurts on me? You want me to feel what you going through ? Well guess i am just your spare tyre. When you need me you will call .. when you don need me GET LOST ERICA that is what you would say. 

When you were down I picked you up cared for you. All i did was to leave and hope you would grow I did for my own good .. but what did i get in return. More hurt by you .

Monday, August 25, 2008

Judging Others

    1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

    3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person's eye.

    6 "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Why do you do what others tell you to do? why do you not make your own choice? 

Sunday, August 24, 2008

just hang up the phone with my darling sis.. omg i am so scared. tomolo is exam .. i am not prepared. guess talking to her really made me feel much more better. I realli enjoyed that conversation.. Hmm just pure catching up!!! like we promise weekend is bitching week about anything under the sun!!

Asked her a few things and she still owe me replies for it.. but well I don expect much .. maybe coz I know I have hurt her and left her there on her own. I realli don wish to

Dear sis, I f you ever check my blog just know 1 thing .. the whole conversation just now with you was sincere and i meant every word i said. Sorry if what i did left hurts in your heart. But i realli hope that our friendship is stronger then that to go through more than that.

Love you alot sis.
see you soon

Saturday, August 23, 2008

IT seriously has been a long time since i have blogged.. well it was a funfilled weekend..

hmm what did i do..went out with bro.. well it was certainly fun and though it was a short time tgt.. guess just missed it ba.
Went out to my mum's office.. got drenched in the rain .. then went funan it mall.. omg spend 100++ on things for her.. GOD !!!! she realli spend alot of $$$

NOw sitting at home in front of comp doing up her movie.. I love her so i am doing this for her NOT for her OFFICE!!!

Mum.. know that ok!!!