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This is somewhere I voice my feelings & thoughts.
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

hahaz hey just came home and i had a bad arguement with paul .. well he saw me to the door and left liaos.. hmm nothing realli bad but well hmm small squabbles well but hope he is okie when on his way back to camp!!

well hey i have to say this i reallli enjoyed my day today man !! realli enjoyed.. well i came home so freaking earli i reach home abt 12 like that and i took a ice cream.. the palapop one!! super colorful one .. i think those who eat palapop or go to perth will know the super colourful one rainbow ice cream!! shiok for the hot day like this.. well i came home and slog my ass off my pjt.. well hmm i dunno i just wanna en it by 3pm just now so i just do and do and do .. well i came back and do the project on legal aspect and marketing ...

marketing hmm i was doing it i am surprise i can finish it so fast well but i have to send it to my teammate hahaz well tomolo presentation need to memorise my lines so i dun make a blunder there but i usualli do .. i dunno maybe stage fright or something well i dunno .. sigh.. hey it is surprising to think about it when i am with the kids at the camp in church and all i realli wonder why and why and why i dun even make blunders. i dun even feel scared.. i just feel so comfortable with them around.. i just am puzzled about the difference in the audiences i think .. well but i dunno i was doing on oakley hmm but i found a few pictures very nice ones well maybe i put it up for you all to see.. well aft doing this pjt i starting to go for oakley.. hmm i jus love the design maybe not the guys spec but the girls one.. realli nice ones.. i didnt know who the hack their competitors were and what was it on .. but now i know ..i am realli interested in them liao.. die man!!! OAKLEY here i come.. i know it is on the pricey side but i will safe for it guess.. not now .. when i work i guess!!

well when i was doing legal i just barly copy all the answers and put it in there..
well today when i was CMFI (module name) that time the teacher was like saying hey this is the tips blah blah blah .. whao i am so surprise and she is like so arguementative one.. didnt know.. she is like one of those very on teacher.. all the way one.. always standing by the students.. you know what i mean .. not like the older stricter teachers.. stand by the MOE side.. hahaz .. this teacher.. no gvt one!! very nice to tok to .. very fun!!

well later i went to cycle to angela house to return the bike.. that i took the other. time hahahz it is so fun all the way down from old SJC that side all down hill i was so happy.. damn fun.. but fun is fun nearly kanna bang man!!! side road car come out too fast nv see ME !! well side road cars must look out mah!! even though well my motto.. :car look out for me i don look for them!!

yes later went to eat sakae sushi shiok man!! spent about 8 plates of it.. but when i met paul he bought for me a rose.. it is the horror colour to everyone but i like it .. pink colour.. i love it a lot.. i just was so shock he got it for me,.. ah well later went to walk walk around heartland.. well i know paul have been stress nowadays !! he told me alot about his stress. but that boy nv even say he was sick.. than on the way home he told me he cant meet me on friday for the whole day .. i was realli sad . but then i ask him if i could have him watch movei with me on fri he say reluctantly like .. " what about my mum how to tell her i gonna be out the whole weekend..." this and that blah!! than i got ve sad.,.. i just ask for a nice birthday with all my friends around .. just to celebrate with you all.. esp those realli close to me.. hmm well than later at my block he raised his voice and shouted at me "army things not in my control" i was realli sad.. he has nv raise his voice at me.. i was very sad... he nv did so.. why coz of stupid government and all scream at me !!! sob*

i am hurt.. felt like even my close ones can scream and scold me.. i nv had my friends scream at me before onli him.. sob*.. well i know he maybe stress but he could have told me.. well now he on his way back to camp i got a lot sms from him but all i can say is that i know what he means and i know he will feel upset he cant come out .. but more that i am sad is that when he started giving some reasons abt not spending time with me .. it is not everyday of his life just this week end.. just 1 week end.. is it that difficult..? huh .. it was a nice day .. but now!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

hey hey well got back my results for my test my accounting ,.. remember sometime back i blog saying tat there was some asses who left me alone to do my accounting and my bf.. well i got it back.. i was very sad.. i got the same marks as my friends.. hahaz

realli i tot to myself.. why should i deserve the same results as themm why why is this happening than i tot for a while and the words from the bible came to mind.. remember to workers at the vineyard.. there was a parable about this farmer who needed people to work in his vineyard,.. in the morning he went out to get labourers.. when he met the 1st one he agreed to go into his vineyard and work the next one also and by noon he met some more people who were willing to work in his vineyard for 1 denari (olden word for dollar i think) yes than when evening came and the farmer gave out the money the 1st one got the same amount as the last and he qn the farmer why he got the same amount as the 1st one .. well the moral of the story is that god's love for everyone is the same. no matter if you were cradle catholic or just baptise he still loves you the same.. all the same.. i just wonder why cant i be like him .. why must i think like a bloody pagon !!

well when i told paul about how i felt he told me.. hey the sense of achievement you got is not the same as him .. well to them they free lance they got so high is satisfactory for them.. but you know you can aim higher.. yes i will i will aim high and well like the seagull i will fly high and sore for greater heights. but sometimes i just think this stupid seagull here will always crash into airplanes and fall badly.. well hmm nvm.. i will try again.. well hmm made a pack with paull i will not.. go out aft next well. confindment at home to studies.. i wan to do well. i will try my best i promise.. done worry

well i came home and watch!!! the show i went down to bedok camp and meet my bro and paul well that sickening bro of mine nv came out .. hmm nvm than we went watch NEZHA !! interesting ending i like it... very heavenly !! NEZHA got called as the crown prince.. hahaz!! well i just love the show.. well the coming oen is better but well hope to watch it soon !! tomolo tomolo .. must watch watch hahahz.. okie lah i go liaos!!!

Monday, March 29, 2004

sigh today school feels like shit man!! i dunno maybe it is the environment.. i dunno was telling someone the other day from church.. the closer i am to GOd and to Church the further i am from my class.. i dunno.. school seems like shit today.. what the hack!!

well i dunno when i am in school iris was sitting wit inthu .. no nothing wrong with that just felt that i have been like feeling realli bad today realli bad bad day!! sigh!!

i woke up today and when i was abt to leave for school i tot i lost my wallet and all.. i started being very peranoid and alll and than search high and low .. decided to even report the lost of my wallet.. inside got all my ic and all leh!!! then later i was on my way of to the MRT station something realli struck me when i tot of calling PAUL to ask him if he has seen my wallet.. i remember yesterday going for lunch and i put it in the plastic bag.. i tell you my heart was racing like hell .. i went back home to find it and when i look into the bag i say it there.. well hmm thank god it is there.. so funny .. maybe a joke of the day but trust me i was realli panicking... hmm well i dunno too fat a wallet to put it in my pocket so leave it around !!

yes ans then when i got to school i was appointed to ask qn it seem so bad realli bad i cant answer any of my qn that my teacher ask me ,.. i cant realli feel sad man!! and the worst thing was that when i was called i heard like sadistic laughter from the class.. i dunno if it is just hallucination but i just finding out why teacher likes to pick on me!! i hate this!!!! argh!!!!!!

okie !! well i dunno still have lessons soon just writing till now.. i will go home later i dunno FENG SHEN BANG last episod tomolo so i wanna watch .. well NEZHA so handsome.. well i dunno i just thinking of the show i feel so happy .. so nice so cool to watch it takes me off my worries from this mortal world.. or rather.. HELL !!

work is piling exam coming i got my exam dates

monday 19th marketing
tuesday 20th biz finance
wednesday 21st a/c
thursaday 22nd legal aspect
friday 23rd Capital mgt
saturday 24th intro to financial mgt

argh look at it i have no time to lose.. aft my bday this week it is work work and more work!! ahhahz
well anyways .. i will have to go now.. school starting class i mean!!

Sunday, March 28, 2004

i just ended my day here man!!! well the day has been realli fun for me well i dunno but i just enjoyed the company .. well certain events happend and started me thinking abt thing s.. nono not the same thinking thingie.. but i think more than that.. well hmm it all started out with our combined class in cathechism today .. well everyone was like not even giving a damn of what was going on.. ppl were just toking machiam it is like another boring lecture.. it maybe dry but i just focus my attention on what was being said.. even facils were at time figity !!

yes than at one point in time i remeber what i realli wanted to know!! well topic was abt MARY .. well hmm started thinking abt how she actualli reamined and lived a life so pure and devoted to GOD.. yes she is chosen but hmm how did GOD ever not let her stray away .. actualli it is all by faith and yearning towards the LORD.. if you wan to follow him .. leave everything and follow him.. yes yes i not preaching but by her obidence and willingnes to be like GOD and follow his ways .. she remained so spotless..

well then later i went out for lunch and we went to heartland mall.. hahaz gerard drove me and paul there.. whao new car.. not bad but i dun like the color on the interrior.. hahahz too ah - pei (uncle) but gerard uncle liaos lah!! anyways i was saying went to lunch and then bought some stuff for my brother.. and all.

came back and during the passion play smething happened .. alison fell down..yes and than when she fell matt tried to help .. out of a kind heart he tried to help.. maybe if she saw this mail she would have curesed and said what the hack i am siding him .. no i am not.. but i just stood at the sideand saw her reaction .. well yes he did certain undersirable act but well all out of care and concern for a friend.. i think if i had fallen he would have held me up and make sure nothing happens to me.. well hmm i dunno i just tot to myself at the way after which ally reacted..she was so piss with him .. well .. sometimes in this reacttion i just wanted to say

"hey girl look at it ... why have you not let go of the pass. you are still judging and getiing angry with him coz from the start you have not forgotten abt somethings that happened in the pass. you still do not accept fulli matt as a friend to you !! i guess if you realli sit down and look at it .. think it through what and how you have treated a friend of yours .. i guess you realli would slap yourself .. no not angry u but hey anyone would have caught you if you were to fall.. but just bcoz he was there.. what if it was daniel or even greg or even any of the brother? anyone but matt.. would you be that angry ? yes action was wrong but why would you still get so piss with him? well seeing him sit at the bus stop all alone juust now you know hw bad i feell .. a friend being outcaste by a mistake.. have you not made any mistake have you not done anything wrong .. yes maybenot the same fault but still you have done wrong things.. have your friends not forgiven you and still are your friend.. so to say your parents..? if the person who was being treated like that was you or anyone out therei think anyone of you would have felt that saddness... that hurt.. that pain in you not to speak loneliness in you !! is it that bad that he has to be treated this way? what later you get a phone call and know something bad happened to matt? (Choi!! touch wood ) "

reflection for all out there .. in accordance to the mass yesterday ..
" forget the pass and look towards the future!
what if one day you woke up and you realli lost your love ones! (included friends and family )
sorry but what if one day you wake up and you can no longer see him / her?"

i always ask myself this qn and i just wanna say i will nv forgive myself if ever a day someone dies in my eyes and i have not even forgive or said a word of sorry!!

later i went heartland with them i was just thinking abt this.. all this .. hmm sorry i am just voicing out at the injustified act that was done..

later paul came over i studied and finsih my test for tomolo .. hahaz

Saturday, March 27, 2004

well today i was at home and i was not having a good day lah can say .. life realli suck today !!! well anwyas i was ask to go for lunch with my mum but they were heading to SAFE superstore to change something i tot to myself.. i wanted a MP3 player and a Digi cam but it is so x but well if i use their SAFE points i can get it FREE man!!!! well they make a big huu haa i didn't go with themm i brood at home till they came back with MACS for me .. but well i just wanted it for a birthday something that they can get it free of charge also mah!!!

later that day i was in church well suppose to go for BBQ but nat and ne say wanna meet on my birthday and then later than have BBQ.. ahahz ask me to call PEOPLE along too.. hahaz very cute twin.. later that day i went to church oh i went for rehearsal and for mass. at mass i heard the homily and was deeply touched by what was said by FR WILLIAM GOH!! i just love his sermon!!

well he just said something that made me just wanna forget abt the pass. today was abt the women who was abt to be stone for adultary.. well FR broke the word of GOD and said that during the time god who was silent when qn by the crowd was bcoz he was just writing all the sins of MEN on the floor..

yes all of us sin all of us commit the same mistakes in one way or the other.. no one is perfect.. well why cant everyone just forget the pass and go on with their life.. i just tot it was so in line with what i was thinkingh ... i mean many of you out there would be like.. this is impossible.. but hey we are all called to be saint and to follow his path.. well don say we cant do it.. just pray it will be possible..

i just so much wanna follow HIM back in the path and on the track i find it so hard.. so difficult.. sometimes i just wanna say .. I GIVE UP !! i need help everyone of us needs support i think the best form of support is GOD HIMSELF!!!

Friday, March 26, 2004

well hmm today was like shit a little.. i dunno i think it is like very sad when i think time draws near when my korkors leaving ..yes ZQ korkor wil be somehow coming back but i feel very sad.. to think abt why so many ppl leaving .. hmm somemore my birthday period.. sigh!!

today i spend the whole day surfing for friendster.. i added a lot of ppl .. well anyways i just wanna say that yes though some people in my lifehave not spend and seen for a long long time but i do miss them.. well don worry i still remember you all..

well hey on the 3/4 i am organising the dinner at california bistro .. at esplanade.. very fun i cant wait for all you ppl .. well i ask around i think maybe clubbing will not appeal for all.. so i will jus say maybe go maka better.. hopefulli most ppl can go.. hmm i dunno lah .. than later in the afternoon near evening i was toking to PAul he was like .. oh i cant meet and i can meet up today .. etc.. i dunno things was like what the hack.. sigh!!! then finally i met him.. and we went to makan at heartland.. ijust enjoyed the conversation and small toks we have together.. than he went to buy vcd.. well i think he will spend time there in camp tomolo watching forget abt me liaos!!!
Righthand (female):
Enneagramfree enneagram test

The Caring, Interpersonal Type:
Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved
Basic Desire: To feel loved
Enneagram Two with a One-Wing: "Servant"
Enneagram Two with a Three-Wing: "The Host/Hostess"

Healthy: Empathetic, compassionate, feeling for others. Caring and concerned about their needs. Thoughtful, warm-hearted, forgiving and sincere. / Encouraging and appreciative, able to see the good in others. Service is important, but takes care of self too: they are nurturing, generous, and giving — a truly loving person. At Their Best: Become deeply unselfish, humble, and altruistic: giving unconditional love to self and others. Feel it is a privilege to be in their lives of others.
Average: Want to be closer to others, so start "people pleasing", becoming overly friendly, emotionally demonstrative, and full of "good intentions" about everything. Give seductive attention: approval, "strokes," flattery. Love their supreme value, and they talk about it constantly. / Become overly intimate and intrusive: they need to be needed, so they hover, meddle, and control in the name of love. Want others to depend on them: give, but expect a return: send double messages. Enveloping and possessive: the codependent, self-sacrificial person who cannot do enough for others — wearing themselves out for everyone, creating needs for themselves to fulfill. / Increasingly self-important and self-satisfied, feel they are indispensable, although they overrate their efforts in others' behalf. Hypochondria, becoming a "martyr" for others. Overbearing, patronizing, presumptuous.

Unhealthy: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt by telling others how much they owe them and make them suffer. Abuse food and medication to "stuff feelings" and get sympathy. Undermine people, making belittling, disparaging remarks. Extremely self-deceptive about their motives and how aggressive and/or selfish their behavior is. / Domineering and coercive: feel entitled to get anything they want from others: the repayment of old debts, money, sexual favors. / Able to excuse and rationalize what they do since they feel abused and victimized by others and are bitterly resentful and angry. Somatization of their aggressions result in chronic health problems as they vindicate themselves by "falling apart" and burdening others. Generally corresponds to the Histrionic Personality Disorder and Factitious Disorder.

Key Motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Examples: Mother Teresa, Barbara Bush, Eleanor Roosevelt, Leo Buscaglia, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Cosby, Barry Manilow, Lionel Richie, Kenny G., Luciano Pavarotti, Lillian Carter, Sammy Davis, Jr., Martin Sheen, Robert Fulghum, Alan Alda, Richard Thomas, Jack Paar, Sally Jessy Raphael, Bishop Desmond Tutu, Ann Landers, "Melanie Hamilton" (Gone With the Wind). and "Dr. McCoy" (Star Trek).

Enneagram Twos and:
Personal Growth
Compatibility with Other Types
All nine 2,800+ word expanded type descriptions are available to purchasers of the online RHETI Enneagram test. For a free sample, see the expanded description of Type Eight ("The Challenger"). These descriptions contain new materials on relationships, personal growth, Levels of Development, and more. For the most complete type descriptions available anywhere, see our books, particularly Personality Types and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

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Make sure you have Personality Types, the most complete, in-depth, systematic treatment of the nine types and the Enneagram system as a whole.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

blogging when someone so so sweet is by me ..well he's sleeping now.. so silent so peaceful i just dunno what else to say.. hes so sweet.. just by my side as i am doing my work...

well today i have had a fun day realli fun day .. i went to school at 10 and finish by 11 + and well today i found out i failed my marketing but not that bad.. 10% of all the whole module score so wont die lah

well later went to tok to raffino haha had a lot of crap to tok abt .. well i can say that i think onli certain ppl have seen the lame side of me.. and this guy is one of them.. he said .. i guess thi is the lamest he has ever seen someone.. well anyways i am just glad that he is there as a very close friend.. well i miss those time in the same clas with him

wwell later went home and then later when i am at home i change antook a mrt to meet Zi Qi korkor he's like so so different.. no lah not say sweeter or not but more of more yandao and more different.. he looks more rundown.. well i realli enjoyed the time with him ..just to play a hr or 2 of pool with him is just fun and i guess i cant wait to just go out with him . just sitting down and chatting also got so many things to tok abt.. he is like the caring brother i have too.. i know .. can sense it.. well i am his sis and i guess i can sense it.. well later i went to drink coffee with this bro of mine.. he is like soo cool.. just chatting with him.. at pool table he like realli let me a lot of time.. he is like the nicest companion one can has.. well i jsut dunno what to say but i can say i had the most fun time of my day with him

later just now went to meet someone at tenah merah .. and than toook a mrt down and took a cab home.. well watch nezha at home.. oh than later i started feeling kinda down...

well i tot to myself i guess i feel sad coz of 2 ppl.. both of which are my korkor .. /johnboy and ZiQi korkor they all leaving singapore soon.. one before my birthday the other after my birthday .. both to taiwan and sigh why don and cant i have them for my birthday.. this sux man!! i hate it,.. i will miss them.. esp jb kor coz he is going for 1 yr.. i will surely miss him and he 24 hr info counter.. hhaaz zq korkor of coz lah don have to say but he go 1 mth aft that i will sure jio him out one.. but i sure miss them no one to tok to me liaos.. sob sob

k lah i go send ppl back liaos see you all tomolo now got work to do
whao today was like the toughest day of my life well i was so tired it is the wednesday but still so shag... man this is crap man !!

well today went for lesson and presentation.. well very happy my presentation cum project was 71% in total.. hahaz well nv scored so damn high for pjt before.. ahahz yes well today wont tok much coz i very tired now..

later after that i went to lab to do my pjt and then spent my entire day there.. slogging away my life.. than later went for my class at LTL 3 hahahz weird guest speaker tok also very sian. abt national heritage etc.. dunno lah .. oh i remember singapore tourism . i wanna die man!! early i know don go better.. later that day i went to simlim to get my computer stuff.. i finalli found what i realli wan for my Birthday .. yeah !!! ... if u happen to read this hmm just passing remark but well i saw 2 things i love... MP3 player and a digital camera.. yeah !! hint* hint*

later we (me and andrew) went makan and then went home.. i was also looking for 2nd hand hp... lastly concluded it was mostafa can try lah!!! maybe tomolo go try .. hahaz

came home i "accompany" paul all the way home.. and than later gerard took the car and sent paul back to camp hhahaz i went too.. it is like the camp my second home liaos .. kaozz

john boy was in the car .. dunny huh .. you know i tot from far when before i went to the car it was someone else .. kaozz kor kor hair so long and messy liaozz... in the car we were deciding where to go for my birthday !!!

well hmm maybe if i am not wrong .. the older one.. 18 + we'll go to somewhere near taka there to makan and than later we head down to China black.. that is what i was planning .. hopefully u all can go .. all i mean.. i know you all may say no but don worry don have to pay entrance fee before 10 pm.. hahhaz even you have to go off just be there till 11 + like that.. hopefulli you can lah!!

well now going to sleep KO liaozz.. tired n shag man!!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke >18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I'm poor"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

well hmm today was like shit a little.. i dunno i think it is like very sad when i think time draws near when my korkors leaving ..yes ZQ korkor wil be somehow coming back but i feel very sad.. to think abt why so many ppl leaving .. hmm somemore my birthday period.. sigh!!

today i spend the whole day surfing for friendster.. i added a lot of ppl .. well anyways i just wanna say that yes though some people in my lifehave not spend and seen for a long long time but i do miss them.. well don worry i still remember you all..

well hey on the 3/4 i am organising the dinner at california bistro .. at esplanade.. very fun i cant wait for all you ppl .. well i ask around i think maybe clubbing will not appeal for all.. so i will jus say maybe go maka better.. hopefulli most ppl can go.. hmm i dunno lah .. than later in the afternoon near evening i was toking to PAul he was like .. oh i cant meet and i can meet up today .. etc.. i dunno things was like what the hack.. sigh!!! then finally i met him.. and we went to makan at heartland.. ijust enjoyed the conversation and small toks we have together.. than he went to buy vcd.. well i think he will spend time there in camp tomolo watching forget abt me liaos!!!
well hmm today was like shit a little.. i dunno i think it is like very sad when i think time draws near when my korkors leaving ..yes ZQ korkor wil be somehow coming back but i feel very sad.. to think abt why so many ppl leaving .. hmm somemore my birthday period.. sigh!!

today i spend the whole day surfing for friendster.. i added a lot of ppl .. well anyways i just wanna say that yes though some people in my lifehave not spend and seen for a long long time but i do miss them.. well don worry i still remember you all..

well hey on the 3/4 i am organising the dinner at california bistro .. at esplanade.. very fun i cant wait for all you ppl .. well i ask around i think maybe clubbing will not appeal for all.. so i will jus say maybe go maka better.. hopefulli most ppl can go.. hmm i dunno lah .. than later in the afternoon near evening i was toking to PAul he was like .. oh i cant meet and i can meet up today .. etc.. i dunno things was like what the hack.. sigh!!! then finally i met him.. and we went to makan at heartland.. ijust enjoyed the conversation and small toks we have together.. than he went to buy vcd.. well i think he will spend time there in camp tomolo watching forget abt me liaos!!!

Monday, March 22, 2004

sigh i had a realli bad day today man!! realli bad bad day !!1 school sux so much i hate it !!! well hmm well today when i started school today i met my group mate i was like asking her have she done her work for presentation .. guess what she replied!! " oh last week i presented so this week i not gonna present.." i was like shit man!! she could have has the responsibility to tell me or at least alvin right!! but what the hag .. now i have to do it shit man!! yes i agree i should have done it too .. but hey at least when she have told me i will not have lended now like that right

k nvm i went back to my aunt house i sms alvin ask him to do the work .. my gp mate lah!!! just part of the qn onli not the whole qn leh!! kaoxzz!! when i went back to class today i ask him so how the work ..he replied " i dunno !! donno how to do .. so nv do.. " if he dunno how to do can also sms me right .. i didn't do it very well lor.. i hate it .. i starting to hate this ppl around me in school .. esp my team mate.. not even willing to put in their part fo their work to help .. what kind of team spirit .. sigh

yes than later during lesson when i was discussing my work in class i had working and neede to present i fumble like shit man!! oh then lok at it i was like so sad all wrong but all my original answer was okie and correct man!! sob sob !! made a fool of myself.. iwas so piss i went home.. don wanna have this shit anymore!!

oh well then when i was on my way to home i was thinking of whether i should go to lecture or not .. but well something i piss off abt was that when i wanted to go home but i wanted to go for lecture but when i wanna go MACS to makan inthu said something realli hit me and i just wanted to go home.. she said.. " if you don wanna go for home why go MACS".. i wanna go for lecture too man!! but just too tired to walk to SOUTH and all

argh man 1!! iwas kinda haveing enough for one day ..i just tot i wanna be home i wanna stay home .. i don wanna see anyone.. i just went home and rot

I kept Aragorn. Who will you keep?
hey so fast sunday already realli damn tired last night i was like very sian today too.. but cannot got commitment to go cat class.. well today angela ask me what is wrong with me and andre how come i don tok to him.. well i dunnno what to say but i said what i feel lah!! well anyways today when i woke up i went to print out script for passion play and hopeing to deliver it to you all soon (actors) yes than later get off the house ASAP

aft that i went for cat class. andre just told me hey i ask my sis to come for passion play leh!! i was like.. we have seraphiah the girl already (amanda alias) so why need her.. i don mean to be bad but yesh we need sec 3 and above.. yeah than later i told angela that is when angela ask me.. i was like kaozzz what tha hag.. than when i told andre can his sis ask for the easter mass he was like OH I KNOW ALREADY ALL THE TIMING blah!!! what the hag.. sorry but (snob) well it is all his things on how he replys ppl that actualli makes pl don wanna tok to him.. hmm predicted by many JC friends.. seniors and all HE will find hard to survive man!! believe me !!

anyways later that day i went for meeting okie lah he was okie didn't say much abt it the meeting was fine.. k new lady joined us,. very sweet lady too.. she is gonna join us in the cat class to decide on the con camp 2004 well can see some ppl are indeed eager to join .. but i was reluctant.. a little .. duno ..

anyways today i was having rehearsal well i came for rehearsal and all and i was the 1st aunty helen was there to give the costumes.. very nice to see each reaction .. well anyways i took over veronica.. oh well here come the big big cromotion.. ANDRe came in and he was like oh i am acting JULIAN the roman soldier.. than i said it was taken .. then he strted his nonsense.. you know i realli feel like telling him off. he said oh i am very comfortable with the role.. i said go ask director.. he say i feel being push around you know.. blah blah blha.. than i felt like telling him.. who are you to chose your role. you are doing this for GOD not for your pride n you are not even the director and alll.. he kept pointing fingers at me saying i nv told him abt prectices.. but if you are involve in it isn't it your onus to know when is the practice of ask if you need to,.. he say do you expect me to do that i said .. yes it is everyones responsibility . realli if you are interested in helping do your best .. what ever role you get it is yours who are you to demand a role and a MAJOR one somemore.. whao tok to him can blood boil.. ever wondered why i don wanna tok to him.. yes.. if he has that pride and attitude which he calls OH ITS ME !! than no one i the world can ever tok to him properly.. even people who are in the society will also outcast this people.. trust me.. if you were there in adrian ally alfredo or mine shoe you will blow man!! oh of coz it is like hey you know what he said oh i got bette things to do than to be here.. such a bossy attitude.. not picking on him but hey how woule you react if it was you man!!! in my shoes... and all

aiyoh don tok abt him lah blood gonna boil man!! anyways here i am gonna sleep now will take my leave and see you all soon .. i am very sleepy and gonna sleep hopefulli can makan dinner later lah on time

Saturday, March 20, 2004

hahahz hey i am back today i have been sleep the whole day realli the whole day .. i went to school in the morning.. paul was with me.. he had to be home early so we took a cab to his place and than i took a bus to toapayoh !! had alot of fun on the bus alone.. i think e was very tired.. i was too.. i took a but to tp and then later took a 159 to school.. today i was walking damn slow.. i was KO already.. cant make it.. so i went for one briefing and went off.. hahaz funny right i went lunch with mummy and daddy at sushi bar at bukit panjang n than went home.. ahhaz yeah that is what i did .. slept till dinner which was 12 am .. paull called me than i woke up .. makan and went back to sleep.. AB sms me most of the time and i just could not have the energy to reply i dunno i was just too tired.. KO liaozzz.. bed too tempting for me .. cant wake up!!

yes this was my slack day coz next week have a lot of pjt to ruch so now okie lah!!! not too bad .. resting that is all!!!

Friday, March 19, 2004

WHAO WHAO finally manage to get online well hmm here to tell you what i have been doing for the past night well and the past day .. ahahz since 19th march 2004.. it is like kinda the best birthday celebration i have had for someone.. realli i had a lot of fun today ..

well today i think i woke up like 8+ oh well hmm woke up so earli to do pauls birthday book.. well i bought a book the day before and than later than i woke up so earli to do it .. whao it took me till 11 am to do it.. than later he called saying he would be out of camp soon .. or he has already left.. than later i finished it and then went to bather.. later that .. i left the house asap..

hmm i went to Heartland mall to get him his present !! well i dionno what he realli like coz to me he loves anything .. MR ANYTHING!!! well later i took a mrt to clark quay wanted to go to new ortani to find RAINFOREST CAFE!!! but too bad i think that it was kinda far i rather do watch movie for the time i walk all the way there.. so i took the initiative.. went to Plaza sing and book a ticket for Huanted mansion.. well a little scary move but i like it.. very much like adams family .. cool but fun!!

k Paul met me at 2pm at PS .. i had a lot of fun with him.. i went to eat SWENDESENs with him.. well it was the 1st timei seen him smile so sweet soo sooo sweet .. argh nvm yes he was realli very sweet that day too.. well i passed him his present.. it was a ADDIDAS watch i bought him.. well i dunno hope he liked it.. coz through out the day he didn't say anything abt it.. dunno if he realli like it.. anyways we ate at swens and had 5 scopes in total of icecream.. i liked it man!!

later we went to catch a movie at 440pm yes than we were like sitting at the back right at the back of the cinema.. he asked me when i booked the tickets i didn't tell him at all.. sob!! hahazz .. the show was very nice.. since the last time i watch with him this is the nicest show i have seen..

later aft movie i put a twist to his celebration i told hiim i bring him to woodlands and celebrate his birthday he beleived.. and than later i went to buy a cake for him i brought him to amk aND all my nice and nephew celebrated for him.. i ask my aunt to cook for us.. and later we would be there.. hahhaz very funny right.. well it was a plot for a long time me and my aunt plan this morning .. hahaz

in my heart i tot all the while since he had not hve so much fun in his birthday i will sure make it a fun one for him!!! i just wan him to be happy.. later we went to eat at aunts house.. he was playing with kevin boy n claudia.. so sweet man!!claudia ate the cake till her face all full of choclate like a little baby girl but she is still young lah!! she had a lot fun eating th cake i think.. my aunt say she dun even eat cake leh!! get it..

later gerard fetch him to east coast we went there to the beachbar to drink and agnes bought her digi cam and we took photos.. very fun night,,..we played the waves tooo.. had loads of fun man!! realli loads of it!! i think paul got high and drunk on A long island tea i got him.. ops.. too strong for him i guess.. hmm for me i got a singapore sling it was nice.. sweet lah!!! anyways i like the long island but it was comon soo i took singapore sling!!

yep later we went home.. the song there today sux lah!! paul piggy back me all the way to the car.. he is drunk leh.. can imagine that.. hahaz!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

hey now sitting in front of the comp it is like 6 pm onli lah but twhat the hag.. i have to go soon.. i am going for a 40 km cycling ... i dunno if i can take it but hey if i come out of it alive.. hey praise the lord man!! it end at lorong lau koon!! hahz so hey wish me luck it is all the way till 7 am tomolo.. yes now listening to the singapore nationalday song... brought to you by stephanie,. but it realli brought back memories of how i met some friend.. miss them!! you know zi qi , paul , ge wei, lenin,, .. well a lot of things i know and remember still in my head.. their photos and pic. well i dunno miss them !!! sooso much 1!! hope to come back in 1 piece.. hey i slept since 12 pm k till now .. anyways i am going for this yrs NDP hope to you all at the stadium okie!!!
the SARS song is playing now.. hahaz the hero .. well this is when it is so dark in the staium . so sweet .. the hearts all the helpers. walk into the stadium with the candles.. and me and ziqi always stand there and chat .,.. block them from coming up1!!! k lah i go liaos!! see you man!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

well well just return from the passion play rehearsal.. well heyhey i was kinda like shock at the amount of ppl who turned up .. hey man!!! you know what some of them say !! oh i nv sms them than they dun come.. kaozzz.. sigh!! well today in sch i was freaking tired.. i didn't even sleep the whole day now is like going to 1 am and i am still awake. tomolo wednesday i wll come home and sleep my life man!! but anyways.. i dunno lah still kinda reluctant for tomolo bike trip .. coz i am physically unfit today !!!
anyways i am like kinda tired today !! veryvery .. well hmm was in school at 8 45 am to print stuff... and all blah! shit i have to do man!! than i told MR CHee about what we heard about the tranfer of Gwen.. she like nv come school nv do this nv do that!! well she is like very bad lor!! i mean this is the worst i have kanna in my entire semester.. or 2 yrs.. in fact!!! yeah!! than later i went for presentation ended up drawing rubbish!! hahaz wanted to waste my ink for the marker.. very cute in fact.. anyways i was kinda surprise by it when teacher said that i answer correctly for the qn!! was kinda shock.. during PJT presentation teacher said i answered to correct answer.. phew!! cold sweat sei!! yes than just now sent GERI home and tok to her and matt didn't feel that much of a drift from them since last time liaos lah!! feeling much better..
anyways i dunno i was like hoping and wishing and looking forward to meet someone today but too bad i didn't disappointment.. no maybe it is my hopes too high!! when i called my friend was on the way home couldnt get to meet up!!!
well suddenly i feel kinda a drift from paul!! since he left for work in Jurong island !!! you know last time he would meet up almost all the time now he doesn't i dunno if it is coz of what is did or say but definately i am not saying when he is on duty!! i guess yes i have to understand he is in army and all don get to meet up much more than b4 but still miss the times when he can come out and meet me !! i tok to him on the phone today i dunno just felt like crying .. my eyes were very heavy n i just feel that i lack someone or somebody around ..yes what i feel and felt has been said on the sms to him and all i hope for is the friendship and the bond btw us to grow back!!
ab sms today i didnt get the time to return his sms but when i got it i wanted to ask him how is he now.. feeling better.. i dunno but too caught up with my work in school!!
today in school was my darkest time at lunch!! it was my 1st time in the entire education history that i ate lunch or food alone in schoool.. i just feel the sense of loneliness... quietness and uncertainty.. dunno what is gonna happen to you next..
yes well school tday was not that good aft all.. i guess is it bad i hope no one will make it worst.. please pray paul if you all ever see this sms .. he is kinda sick for a while and the flu virus is flying around just hope the next time i see him (ON HIS BIRTHDAY THIS FRIDAY ) he is okie!!!
just a little speacial request from all you buddies and sweet darlings of mine!! thank you !!!

Monday, March 15, 2004

whao now is like 5 am on the tuesday morning and i am like not even asleep i dunno i am damn stress now i got work to do and hey know what .. just now Ys in my group ... she just sent me the sms to change something in my pjt and it is alot so i doubt i will be sleeping hopefulli don KO in lesson today!! anyways today in school was like anyother day .. well i was crying today when i was at my aunty house.. i was toking to paul and he said something realli hurt me!! but well i guess it was not intensional!! don worry i wont blame him everyone has their bad day .. i wont lah just tok to him just now i trash things out withhim.. things that happen so long ago was in his mind just he nv say.. and finally he did.. !! was hurt but what tthe hag i guess it is also true mah!!
well i guess things turned out bad was coz i have not realli been returning what was given to me.. taking friends for granted esp him!! i guess it hurt him!! but to me i am trying to give my best .. i dunno how to do it any more better! i need his help.. anyways .. yes know that i relali have not been happy today the whole of today !! than went to school again in the rain almost drench.. and all but uncle drive me to school
than well in his house i met malcolm.. he cried he didn't recon me !!! my own godson.. i guess i have necglected him.. okie i will try to meet up with him more often too !!! hahaz.. yes today BF lesson i know something .. this one i tell you another day !!
whao now is like 5 am on the tuesday morning and i am like not even asleep i dunno i am damn stress now i got work to do and hey know what .. just now Ys in my group ... she just sent me the sms to change something in my pjt and it is alot so i doubt i will be sleeping hopefulli don KO in lesson today!! anyways today in school was like anyother day .. well i was crying today when i was at my aunty house.. i was toking to paul and he said something realli hurt me!! but well i guess it was not intensional!! don worry i wont blame him everyone has their bad day .. i wont lah just tok to him just now i trash things out withhim.. things that happen so long ago was in his mind just he nv say.. and finally he did.. !! was hurt but what tthe hag i guess it is also true mah!!
well i guess things turned out bad was coz i have not realli been returning what was given to me.. taking friends for granted esp him!! i guess it hurt him!! but to me i am trying to give my best .. i dunno how to do it any more better! i need his help.. anyways .. yes know that i relali have not been happy today the whole of today !! than went to school again in the rain almost drench.. and all but uncle drive me to school
than well in his house i met malcolm.. he cried he didn't recon me !!! my own godson.. i guess i have necglected him.. okie i will try to meet up with him more often too !!! hahaz.. yes today BF lesson i know something .. this one i tell you another day !!
whao now is like 5 am on the tuesday morning and i am like not even asleep i dunno i am damn stress now i got work to do and hey know what .. just now Ys in my group ... she just sent me the sms to change something in my pjt and it is alot so i doubt i will be sleeping hopefulli don KO in lesson today!! anyways today in school was like anyother day .. well i was crying today when i was at my aunty house.. i was toking to paul and he said something realli hurt me!! but well i guess it was not intensional!! don worry i wont blame him everyone has their bad day .. i wont lah just tok to him just now i trash things out withhim.. things that happen so long ago was in his mind just he nv say.. and finally he did.. !! was hurt but what tthe hag i guess it is also true mah!!
well i guess things turned out bad was coz i have not realli been returning what was given to me.. taking friends for granted esp him!! i guess it hurt him!! but to me i am trying to give my best .. i dunno how to do it any more better! i need his help.. anyways .. yes know that i relali have not been happy today the whole of today !! than went to school again in the rain almost drench.. and all but uncle drive me to school
than well in his house i met malcolm.. he cried he didn't recon me !!! my own godson.. i guess i have necglected him.. okie i will try to meet up with him more often too !!! hahaz.. yes today BF lesson i know something .. this one i tell you another day !!

Sunday, March 14, 2004

heyhey just got home now from the childrens camp very shag man!! oh man you know i just mad a joke out o myself i dunno hahahz
well i have lost my voice already but you know what look at it it was like i tot i was onli facilitating 50 kids.. i duno maybe it lo0oks small but well yes that is what i tot hahahz than later i found out it was like 100 kids abt there lah!! well i dunno i was like thinking to myself hey i will go there and help daniel since i promise him but hey a lot of things crop up and shit always happen.. than alot of things not in order.. than i took over game and all .. i tot it was suppose to be wilfred they all.. i dunno lah !! but all i can say i just enjoyed all the company today !! i dunno these kids just brighten my day up .. i dun mind helping them .. realli i mean it ..their innocence just touch me and their child like ways i am so happy i am part of this camp.. hahaz they are so sweet .. well i tot i made many boo boos but hey look at it .. the adults said hey why always things must go straight it is always interesting to go on the winding path you learn more things.. well i was kinda encourage.. than later one adult took out some drink i drank it.. hahahz me and greg and all. well there were surely some slackers at camp.. yes can see lah all they wanted to do was to just come and go off,, no that is not what i want.. i wanna serve HIM and touch these kids in the best way i can.. hahahz .. this is the first time daniel and the rest of children apost0late are having this camp but it is too big a scale but overall i can say these ppl gave it their best .. but if all i mean ALLLLLLL give it their best this camp would have been a great success.. i am sure of that !!!
but just wan to end by saying .. daniel , ian , gerg, justin, ... all of you guys have done a very good job.. keep it up.. hey next time don tell me so last min ar.. oh toking abt last min .. when one of the adults knew i came at the last min they were like saying "pros don need to know things before hand to do it well !! well done!"
welll well hmm today just now just came home from the wonderful fun i had.. well i KO at that place.. we went to china black!!! hahaz mich all tot that i KO coz i drunk .. hahaz no no i was very tired.. i was doing and facing my comp the whole day and i was freaking tired.. hahahz.. well later going for a camp for the kids.. well i promise daniel i will go and help him and i will this is a promise i made to my budddy.. well hey today i had a much more fun than other times at the disco.. but well tell you all abt my day 1st before nite
in the day i woke up extremely early today to meet paul i went to jurong that side with him i just wanted to spend sometime with him before he goes.. well i know when i was there he had to leave liaos but then who cares it is the company i enjoyed.. hahahz !! than we had breakfast at macs near my house .. i just like toking to him he came over to my place to pick me than he was wearing the brown t-shirt that i dun like again but well it is the army uni mah!! sigh yes well this was one of the fun time i had too with him !!
than after that i took an mrt back to hougang too i meet marissa.(angela daughter) collect the bike from her and i rode it home.. whao i dunno man it is kinda high i didn't adjust the seat but what the hack rose it home and met my parent at home the whole day kaozz they make a lot of noise.. than later in the day mich came over we were preparing to go to chinablack.. it was johnboys idea but when i ask jon he was okie!!
AB came over he was freaking fierce.. i dun like that face he has when he is at work .. i dun like it at all it like so serious and all when i tok he don care abt me .. just stick his whole damnself into the book.. argh well i am here stress with my work he is like adding on to it.. kaozzz
later that day it had tunderstorm and all i had to go for practices.. and blah blah blah.. i took a cab dwn to church AB left when i went to take an umbrella.. i wanted to take for him but he left when i brought it down.. damn!! yeah .. duno what is wrong withim.. or me.. maybe we have realli drifted,...
yeah than when i was at the rehearsal i was like toking to daniel and he was like saying my darling manfred is angry.. realli wondered why but well do hope everything is oki with him now!!
yeah than we took a cab to LIDO to meet jb and the rest we reach at 9 and we walked around and karen (mich's mei) help her make up ... mich i mean.. chio bu xia!!
when we went in from 9 - 10 it was free coverage.. we just sat there and rot lah!! ordered like 5ugs straight.. man!! shiok xia!! vodka coke and sprite!!
than i hit the dance floor and mich say before she came she dun wanna go dance but who knows she is there.. on the dance floor .. she drank quite a lot of drink she is sobber i guess. but for me i am not drank just tired.. than i KO .. tired lah!! had a lot of fun there.. all those underage babies sorry another time ok!!! wilmer came too but i didn't wan him to come i .. he can't .. this is not any clark quay pub .. he can't fake his age with his dressing ... kaozzz just a t-shirt and jeans ,.. so small caan't make it lah!! than we took photos .. makan and went hoem!!! yeah!!!

Friday, March 12, 2004

hey now i am writing this i realli hate myself.. hate a lot lot.. i dunno how to be a good friend to people close to me i always lose them again and again.. well i had a very tiring day today kept sleeping and then also had to do pjt from 9-1 pm at home.. than didnt eat lunch or breakfast as usual!!yes than i slept till 3+ wanted to meet mich then i had to pas up work so tried my best to do it but cant finish hack care leh go meet her 1st .. than later we plan for the next day !! heheeehee
you kow where we going tomolo .. which is like 12 hr from now.. in the morning i will try to fonish my accounting pjt afternoon i go collect from angela something so yep .. than at night we going CHIONG!! underage babies sorry not allowed!!
yes thats all for sneaks.. anyways later that day i had a nice evening with paul.. realli nice.. i went out to makan with him had a hell load of fun time.. i dunno just enjoyed everybit of his company .. have not seen him for a long time.. later he said he'll help with my pjt and i ask him also lah!! he say okie.
later when iwas at home.. when i saw my pjt i started to bringself back to earth and try to finish it .. i think i have showed a ve frustrated face and stress set in and he didnt tok to me.. he ended up leaving me like that .. he went home straight away.. argh !!! yep well bro wanna use comp will continue story tomolo SEE YOU

Thursday, March 11, 2004

HEYHEY!!! ouch ouch!! my leg muscle pull.. i guess today when i was at the spots meet then i jump here and there run here and there pull one!! well hmm this is interesting but the evening i was in so much pain i had to take a cab home !! lucky raffino was so nice coz i in the same level as him in school i happen to see him !! so he help me flag taxi .. in the rain but who cares abt the rain man!! i stood in the middle of the road just thinking of killing myself but you know what!!! no car came!! damn!!
yeah than later took a cabby home and i was struggling to get to the top of my floor onto my bed and all.. the word is struggling. yes than later aft like i feel asleep until i dunno how long Paul came over.. he took care of me.. btw did i ever tell you today i was running fever headache and even flu as well as body ache and muscle pull .. tragic right???
sigh i know lah i cant make it lah!! leg aching still while i am like sending this online!! oh well was suppose to meet mich and jon they all go watch movie i think i cant lor!! my leg hurts like siao i going see doc leh
anyways i am like very in pain now any part of my body you hit or something it is so pain i can just bring down the roof man!! hahaz online toking to raff now .. he is online..
yes this morning very fun i wen to school.. oh in the morning the great joke was that i saw ms iris tay and my neighbour i didnt recongise her.. at all.. she is a very cute teacher.. ops.. not going into it!! yes and than later i took a 53 tthere to serangoon stadium
cross the road at the serangoon ctrl there and i saw mr arman the use to be our soccer teacher.. haahz today i wearing dimond jubilee shirt. i tot we couldnt go in you know but we did lah we manage to go in and i saw mrs chan than later we started to walk and loiter ard the stadium saying hi to teachers and old sch friends..realli miss SJC time when school was so fun so sheltered.. no backstabbing no wars nothing to be fearful of .. man now i am out along to face th e grusome terror of the world and every move you make and everyword you speak is marked and heard by the people around you !!
yes than we walk in the stadium asking people wanna drink KOPI.. not everyone but teachers in general!! yea.. rebacca wong is also sjc teacher too.. hahaz interesting .. she is so diff.. she look like MS annie tan!! so weird call becky Ms Wong kaozzz nonono
yeah now best part i saw the race and all than i saw ms sek!!! don worry not stalking her but just that i was like very happy to see her once again.. hahaz yeah we went there to actually see her onli but she so busy the last 15 mins she sat down and tok to us .. her friendly smile and her lovely eyes were there.. kept in the cold storeroome are her killer stares that brings chills running down your spine.. those eyes were gone.. not for SJCians but for us.. she was a very lovely young lady now... more and more prettier as i see her!!
yes later had to go to schoo!!! DAMN i had to do test i just gave the notes one GLANCE ! thats it.. test time.. we took a 853 down .. hahaz went to class on time.. i was like writing franticalli man!! all i could write and fill the pages with.. filled up 5 A4 papers in 50 mins.. back and front= 2 pages
than later we went for legal aspect damn man that one will die ar!! she kept picking on me
no this no that!! i tot she was realli nice teacher WILEEZA kaozz she is like so bitchy tody lor.. like our class.. kaozz i think she pick on us scape goats for her to hand in her assignments!! damn it duno which side of the bed did she get off from..
yes hmm that was my day ...
oh btw i went to stadium with YUQING n MICH.. yes just the 3 of us.. i think me and mich left qing our sometimes.. but do hope she enjoyed the whole thing.. later she got work she left before me!! hahahz forget to ask her to take care!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

i am at home now blasting my stero system thinking abt stuff which i have tok to raffino just now.. hey guess what i am gonna slack the whole of today just doing somestuff i realli love to do ..
well i have been blasting one song i really listen to ..

you laid aside your majesty
gave up everything for me
suffered at the hands
of those who you have created

you took all my guilt and shame
when you died and rose again
now today you reign in heaven n earth exalted

i realli wanna worship my lord
you have won my heart and i am yours.
forever n ever
and i will love you
you r the onli one who died for me
gave your life to set me free
so i lift my voice to you
in adoration

i dunno feel very spiritual since i have been editing the passion play and all. hahaz weird right!! but feel more for him and i guess when i reach his passion i always feel for him and i try not to pierce his side each time i can!! i feel realli sad.. dunno i guess everything in them .. yes well not sad over stuff but i dun wanna hurt HIM but somehow through human failures we always do so.. i know i have done so so so many times but yet it was his LOVE that he has for me that sent me to where i am standing now.

well toking to raffino today just before i came bck feel much better toking to him i dunno somethings we tok abt getting no where but at the end of the day i did learn something from our 3 hrs conversation.. i just sat there toking to him till i was like hey it is 1 and he has to go back and i need to get home to slack.. hahaz .. saw peck chin n huiwen today .. they all were going for lecture i going home.. well hahaz ops.. sadistic laughter

this morning i didnt sleep till 4 ++ realli don scold me you ppl reading this,.. ops raff i think i have taken over your job .. i am joining your vampire co. hahahz!!! anwyays.. had a conversation with someone and i just asked why he ve long nv call and he said he is thinking and refuse to tell me what is going on !!! i just wanted to shared what he is going through .. i dunno he say dun ask .. i am totally lost.. i just ask him how was his day and that is all.. and i didn't get to tok much to him..

sometimes i just wonder why is it that ppl tend to leave at my most important part of my life.. project and all the obstacles i have ppl have to leave.. leaving me no one to turn to.. i dunno.. seems that i have face the world alone.. like AB said i have to face the challenges that come my way alone... Yes i know it is like hey look at it when i am upset no one is there. even no matter how i say i need someone there all those close to me tend to not be there... sigh.. thats life i guess. froise ab and even paul all in NS ... hmm onli left with raff to tok to me and mich n jon i guess!!

well getiing to do my stuff lah !! dun wanna chat too much later going to watch sch play with andre.. at bourna vista.. kaozz very far leh!! ACJC wonder where is his GF hahaz.. will tell you all abt it later
yes hey today has been kinda a long day for me now already 2 and i have not eaten i dunno don feel like eating .. today A.b called me jus now telling me he could lift a 39 kg weight meaning he can lift me up .. he can even do it up to 22 times .. argh that guy !! nvm.. just wondering why paul has not called.. realli today brought the pillow he has given to me home from school and coz we were like in school having some seminar guest speaker.. so i met huiwen.. she was the girl who helped me a lot in my work for BF.. realli sweet girl.. she knows inthu .. i think yr one class mates... well yes and than later just now on my way home went to buy battery and it cost abt $70 just to buy it!! sigh man!!! yes that was my night and also when i was on my way home i took a bus to aunty angela house.. she was realli sweet offered me some food to eat !! felt a little full but still have not taken dinner yet lah!! as usual .. till now too.. anyways yes when i saw he dog i was very scared.. she was a realli scarily big dog.. hmm she does not bite.. but scary .. anyways later mummy came to her house to pick me than went home.. realli stress man!! till now still got pjt to do.. Jenna just sms me to do my pjt by friday.. i said no prob!! so gotta start soon.
yes now just finiah the Passion play skit and all!!
hmm today i purposly woke up late.. very late in fact .. well i was like so tired and all i just didn't wanna wake up and the weather so nice.. wanted to take cab to school. i was thinking what the hag lah the teacher also dun mind so i take bus.. on the way there i had my pillow which paul gave me an i slept.. later when in school met my classmates.. all of us were late.. hahaz joke of the day man!! 4 ppl late went into class. like that!! she still didn't care.. than during lab lesson check mail and cehck blog!!
aft lesson i tok to raf til lunch is over.. 2 hrs.. tok and tok and tok !! like nv ending i know sometimes i have neglected my friends.. esp ppl like him who is someone i consider a person i can tok to in school .. next of kin in sch..
went for next lesson mervyn chew .. kaozz ended at 3 pm than sit at access lab rot.. met mun loon there too. tok to him for a while.. prit say something aft that to me!! anyways was like very hyper than till 5 i started to be very tired and all.. than we chat in the canteen aft the lab .. than i found out things abt the past!! pieces of jigsaw started to fix back .. from ppl who backstab me in the past.. i realli was very shock !! yep than later went for seminar..
during the seminar, learnt a lot from it

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

holding hands
hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, March 08, 2004

Well today is like very tiring day in sch I dunno more of stressful I guess. Today I have no one who really sms me.. but well the whole of today was shit lah!! Well hey look at it okie !! hmm lets see what actually happen to me today ..it started fir me who woke up late and than later I have to go sch in taxi damn sian man rush here and there.. than later in the morning till 1pm i was waiting for Gwens e-mail for the project which was due at 2pm till now i still don have it .. i am ve disappointed with her.. realli shw is always absent nvm now she also nv do much!! than later during test lab test i was so caught up with all the project and all i totalli blank out.. can say i realli put in my best in the pjt but now lab test i flunk it.. i pass up a blank sheet.. later i met mich and she also say tt her test in her sch she also hand up blank pp i dunno lah whats wrong with me but yes i was rushing to do up the project .. Ab pop by sms everynow and than to ask m to makan but till now when i am typing this i onli had fries and coke yes that is all and i didnt have lunch not even tea or breakfast.. i had a slight munch when i bought fries to go study with mich .. i was stoning there.. i plan my timetabl for the upcoming 5 weeks of school./. i dunno why today when i called !
ohh divert a bit.. than later the teacher said came to me told me what to do for the test she ask me if i learnt for it i told her no and i was kinda sad.. 1/2 hr test so badly done.. should be easy to score mah!!! yes than later in the day aft the test we had to do peer evaluation and as paul and ab said i did give a frank opinion of how i feel yes and than i pass up i told MS Law to put my below she saw it she was in a shock too why so low.. aft that we had a debrief with her on gwen but it is not her onli it was more abt the 2 freeriders. i was explaining why i could not do the test .. i was concerntrating on the work till last night 3 am yes i was doing it till than ..... now very stress already than she was very sweet she let us complete the uncompleted part.. i told her.. last night when i ask for pjt how were their reaction and when i told gwen abt compiling she said oh is it ? erm no leh i have not done my part finish then she still wanna go out.. today call her she not home nv answer hp etc shit man !! my break from 11 - 1pm i went to print notes appendix more likely and than from 1pm i was late for class i dun care lah didnt bother abt it though than later during lesson yi shui told me what she do and all my grade for all were not very good .. being relistic.. i dun think i have done anything wrong in the grading !! yes than later on went for a/c lecture alvin like ve unhappy when i chase him away as i wanna tok to teacher and yi shui onli .. yes than aft lecture he slam the door behind him!!
oh here comes the climax.. i found a HP realli picked it up .. and well hmm guess what i did with it? do you think i gave it back to her or took it? .. well hmm i took the hp and call all over the place to try to reach the person than i ot a hp call and a girl picked up and she say hey i lost my hp i told her i at LTD 3 come meet me.. sorry i am not those who willo steal hp i know how pain it is okie to lose your hp!! been there felt that !! yes than aft that i was abandon by my own darling and inthu kaozz went to find mich and decided to go chiong with her this weekend dunno can or not.. see how lah !!! hahaz depends who wanna go i dunno why paul nv pick up wanted to ask him he nv call me nv sms me .. no nothing .,. he just ask my bro to pass me something nv even give it to me personalli .. how nice.. nvm yes i think this week maynot see my 2 angels till saturday or even if i see them or not..
oh hey there is a night bike riding wanna join?? well i dunno where to sign up but what the hack lah i will be there !! free t shirt/food. i dunno than later came home finish my pjt and sent it to Ms Law till now no reply hope she got it !! yep must realli thank her she is realli sweet lady .. start to like her liaoss!!
looked at andre's (LIM)present for me and the past letters you guys gave me well i looked at it and remembered the past i miss it so much i sms to andre till i think he slept hahaz !! yes thanks for remembering me andre!! realli i miss you the times we shared and all we have realli moved away!! do know that all friends out there that i know.. i know that i have not beeen able to split myself into parts but do know that when u are in trouble you can always lean on me !! i will be there and also be the support you need!! i love you all!! *huggies* goodnight

Sunday, March 07, 2004

well today it started very nicely and it all became like shit now.. i m toking to andrew on the msn i am feeling like shit now lah but anyways how it was nice,. well i went for youth charge and cat class today .. well running up and down.. during YC daniel the animater said certain things i was realli touched by it is was realli something i hope to tell to the SEC 3s i went down and i was just in time to tell the SEC3s how i felt i was onli expecting 3 to 4 ppl to join since i dunno how to promote stuff and also suck at it.. well yes i did manage to tell them i qn them i duno what i did what i said in detail all i know is that GOD was there toking to me!! he was there.. but something made mee more happier.. aabt 10 ppl joined us!! i am so soso happy!! PRAISE THE LORD!! it is his work and i am just a mere instrument. lateer i went back for YC the PnW was over but there was a tok by collin kang !! Catholic lawyer ... oxi-moron .. hhahz yes anyways he was telling us abt how to realli defend our faith and all well i guess i am realli listening to his tok as usual.. i miss those days.. but i would say that this whole YC thing was goood.. bvery good.. i like it!! anyways i am saying that till now i am enjoying myself.. paul came to KOPITIAM fetch me i enjoyed the walk we had to the busstop.. it was realli hot i was realli tired.. and all.. i think everytime aft all this things i will feel very tired.. esp PnW
well i just came back from the career fair i think i am falling sick realli man !! damn sian damn tired damnw hat ever you say it i feel it !!! basicalli shit!!i went with paul i was enjoying myself i tot to myself i was so tired he still tried to cheer me up and all i was like feeling so touched by his reaction !! and he was so sweet he took so much care of me.. aww.. hmm that is paul i suppose and than later when aft career fair we went to makan icecream .. the one in front of kalms . i got a little tired and than he kept saying he wanna go for mass okie!! i ask him if he can don go than he got kinda angry with me .. reprimanded me.. say i join cat class all this blah blah blah well hey i dunno i just guess i dun wanna go to HIM all tired worn out and shag and all no heart too .. well i wanna go to HIM with willingness to serve HIM.. i am not today lor!! not that stage now.. i think read between the lines you know what i mean!!! mich will realli know what i mean i guess. (nana banana).. well shit i guess i have to rush the pjt now.. it is getting late!! i will see you all later if i have the time
hmm today ar.. well not too good a day i was very stress. today was awoken my my beloved angela hahahz she call me to tell me abt the skit.. well than later i went to her clinic collect her stuff.. do it for her there.. then was planning to study and A.B. suppose to teach me seems like can't lor for the day by the time i can finish my work i doubt i can study .. it is the passion play.. upcoming is also my pjt.. due on monday nothing is done yet
yes i was like very stress just now i am doing my pjt and i think i am half way on my pjt.. sig i wanna complain sia.. this guy in my gp just throw everything back to me .. say i dunno how to do .. damn it i am so piss.. soso piss man!! kaozzz!!! he is not helping me and i am suppose to do my pjt on my own with 3 other girls.. okie lah they also dunno what the hag they doing kaozzz !!
i dunno than just now went beach road with A.b .. hmm i was kinda sad though i dunno he was not toking at all he was kinda having piss look all the time.. like as though he is tired and all.. kaozz i dunno lah aft a while trying to make him smile and laugh i got very tired of it,... got piss instead. met paul n spencer on the way for church and then later went to church and rot..
manythings up my head today but when i saw greag and the rest esp ivan and daniel and all the brothers of mine.. i am fulli alive.. fully happy.. like i am enjoying each moment with them./... dears i miss you all so so much!!
lateer that day i was with them all the while had passion play and all .. i dunno what is wrong but all i know is that i dun wanna think of anything but the play!! hahhaz this is what i think i should do !! well yes i had to promote the passion play tomolo i think i am gonna blabber rubbish i think i dunno wait and see what HE has to tell me!!
k lah don tok much today i go sleep liaos later get up do pjt

Friday, March 05, 2004

hey i am like in my daze now i am shock and sad realli sad i dunno what i did wrong well i did sms someone and told someone how i feel and all and on what has been going into my head .. well hmm i dunno if my words knowing me frank as usual has hurt my friend.. if it has i am soso sorry .. my friend off the hp and i have no mean of contact.. well i dunno just hope my friend is okie!!!

well just came back from J8 well i was toking to jegan on the msn well there are things which he has said that made me realise abt things in my life. how i should realli live life .... wil paste a little of our conversation on the blog later !! anyways hmm back to the topic i guess today has been a good and wonderful day for me

well today in the morning i met Andre well he was like so neat so diff .... seriouly more handsome realli much more neater.. anyways i am like into the morning now ... realli late at night been trying to contact a friend but can't get .. anways andre came my sch (frois) ... hahaz i was studying and all we ate lunch and all i realli miss those time i can tok to him chit chat and all yes than we sat down and we tok abt a lot of stuff.. abt my life and all .. than later at abt 11 like that A.B came to school.. surprise. well he realli came i dunno why .. certainly not coz of me .. well anyways he was like shock super shock when i say him at EPC.. yes i scared his daylights out.. i was very happy to see him realli but hmm i guess he has change.. i little more vulgar,.. yes you all say environment change yes.. but hey i guess if there is a will there is a way i know NS a lot of *@#% but no you dun have to use it!! yes i walked out kinda disappointed oh well hmm i dunno lah but i guess to see my 2 best buddies today i am more than happy!! yes than later we went to mich sch .. SCL .. tried to study ended up taking photos and later i took photos with frois and mich . hahz than with wilmer too oh then later that day i was having a briefing and all realli shag man i trying to get a good for my management game.. and what i got always a bad.. i think i am not a cut for Biz!! realli!! anyways yes than later A.B. came over to teach me .. it started wit me not doing anything he just highlighting everything for me and i dunno a thing abt the subject marketing mgt.. later when i went back to class he started explaining to me and before that we were like practicalli calling up everyfriend to ask them how they fair for their As.. well most of them very well some not too good but well hey guys if you all tried you best don fred okie!! relax.. can try harder again
later A.B. taught me a lot for marketing i am saturated.. he was realli patient with me.. like mich say i am a lousy student but yes he was there and taught me and Wilmer came today he taught mich too .. hahaz like in the class 2 tutors and 2 student.. both competeing with each other.. hahaz .. see whos voice louder..
it started wit me and A.b not toking coz he highlighting my book but what the hag isaw that i was like i dunno a thing you highlight i am reading off the book .. pointless no eg i dunno !! yes and he taught me later we went to EPC again and i manage to do my pjt there sort out some things and do my pjt!! later continueing my pjt now rotting look at the time it is like touching 2+ i am still awake..
wonder what wil ppl do when they hear that !! hahahz well anyways i am still very sian !! nothing to do now.. hitting pjt soon !!
dunno if A.B. will teach me tomolo or not if i will flung it.. as in my marketing he was realli patient teacher.. he should try joining NIE
yes later mich went for kick boxing and jon went home.. and A.B brought me to EPC
than later mich was very tired aft kick boxing and she came in and than later we tok and tok to each other on our way to J8 than i met A.b there.. felt realli nice having him around i mean hey so long nv see him obviously .. okie today my life was revolving around sch.. sch and sch.....oh man no life liaos!!!
good morning my friends

Thursday, March 04, 2004

hahaz hey todaY I SUPPER hyper realli you ask michelle and jon i am super hyper in clas i was like printing notes aft notes realli very sian i think and than i started suaning jas mei! hahaz well she is like very long nv see her but she is just that little sweet girl that i once knew.. she taught me certain things today when we toked. oh man i found a bruised on my leg and blister on my knee.. hahaz well met AB's teacher mr tan.. 1st thing he saw me at engin block he was shock than he ask me.. "how is AB?" and than i went on to say he is ok and blah blah blah .. he like can't wait to see him like that lor!! well one more thing is that he is out from camp at this moment .. i dunno what he doing at home ??? that bargger tried to call him when he on his way back till now he still not picking his hp up!! argh mayb he's got tons to catch up!! anyways well my day was bad man!! look at the amt i printed out!! kaozz $20 of pyp(past yr Papers) hahaz
andre is home too i am super happy today veryvery happy now !! you dunno how happy am i hahaz well words can't describe how i feel for them!! hhahz realli miss them both.. well hope to see them tomolo well i am meet ing andre frois tomolo morning !! yeah !! this is a nice day for me!! miss them both !! hahaz
i hope and wish you all the best for their Alevel results .. wish they get the result they realli wanted !! i dunno miss alot of ppl but i am glad now they are ok!!

yes well i am kinda piss today !!! someone from my group is giving me prob till today i hate it ! i just ended conversation with him .. he was like hey i can't do this i can't do that kaozz than i am like left strended with a lot of stuff to do !! kaozzz piss .. ask my mum to help me she is like saying i dunno how to do means i dunno how to do.. help i am left stranded here to rot.. i need help !!!

work aside well today onli me and jon n mich in school we were like having the whole room to ourselve hahaz yes and than had some progress i manage to sort out what will come out or most likely come out for exam this yr .. spot qns now !! 4 weeks to examss sigh

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

HEY howwas my day today !! realli stress,, wanna know why coz today i have to go to school and do project and to my surprise all of them are late.. ve late except gwen ! she is very early but stil suppose to meet at 12 but all of us met at 12-1 like that siao man!! anyways today when i was trying to study i had a lot of distraction pjt and all .. man all ve stress i think you guys read all this will be like .. who ask you to stress yourself but hey i got an exam coming up soon if i don do up notes and practice my work i will seriously be lagging behind.. i dunno well yes today gwen pritpal and YS came to block P hahaz !! ops i didn't go online to do something for the pjt!! man i am so dead man!! hahaz nvm lah i wilbe online now to do work tok to u all later !!
argh don touch me man today ! i am like in a very bad mood now!! wanna know why!! coz i dunno what the hag i did to my comp and whao now totalli no internet cconnections sigh i am so powerful i hate this man!! i am back to the days when i have to snatch comp with him!! hahaz.. that is my brother.. yes paul just called and he was wondering how was i realli felt extremely bad ... realli hate this but i life without my internet connecttion is shit lor!!!well i dunno if i will be back later well if i don maybe i will blog later on in the nite .. when my irritating bro give me back the comp

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

hahaz just finish like 3 chapters of my Intro to financial services hmm quite satisfied but still dunno where am i going . ahahz well jon just sms me to meet him at sch erm i'm where sitting in the presence of my home slacking around doing nothing ... hahaz no lah i am cooking so will be in school later.. hahaz yes today super hyper.. hahaz yeah!! i dunno i wanna study more i guess i have 2 more chapter to finish studying !!! hopefulli someone can tell me how to study this few topics.. where like maybe how to study the subject which have words aft words nothing but words no formulars and all ** confused kid**

Monday, March 01, 2004

just came back from school today!! some of you maybe thinking like how come today got so many post nono it is over a period of time.. anwyays yep i am heading to work soon.. not wrok but school work!! well wondering what have i been doing this few hours of my life !! not at all wasted i guess but i just hope it would be better i am gonna do my work yes i have been studying for the past few hours of my life.. legal aspect and till now i dunno what to learn still sorry paul i guess today not the day to go out .. i dunno was studying wit jon and his class mates.. mich pop in everynow and than. anyways i went for classes too .. i started revision at 3 - 5 i dunno feel very sad nv get a lot of work done.. not much though.. hahhz
school has been ve sad place to be with coz it is all work work and more work!! i woke up today just printing pjt aft pjt!! yes .. than i tot to myself i dunno what to do now ... i am so shag!! well i will prob change my clock and sleeping system .. i need to study in the night sleep in the day .. realli i told jon i need to do that .. i need to buy more coffee.. to makan my life away !!! i need to stay awake to continue working till i have finish my work!! at night is quieter.. well i guess i will do so.. well till the end of my exams you guys may see less of me don be surprise. not much time b4 exam k!! hahaaz
i just came home from beach i am all shag man !! realli shag !! well i dunno wha to say man but i realli feel very tired .. ops i think i post the wrong post up abt the SFX one .. hahaz
anyways paul brought me to the beach it was realli very nice being there seeing the kids run abt like nobodys business.. ahahzyes ..and alll i feel so nice they are so sweet and all .. hahaz we went play bowling and all we spent abt quite a lot of $$$ today yes but anyways all he pay lah!! that is not the point but i enjoyed it ... i relalli enjoyed his company his presence.. just sitting at the beach watching rain clouds pour over us.. getiing myself all wet yes hahahz.. i just enjoyed the waves coming into me .. hahaz i dunno but is sure a wonderful day to spend by the beach though.. a weekend at the beach.. mummy have not brought be to the beach for a long time.. yeah!! anyways i tried to finish my work today thank my mum man !! she helped me with my work and whatever i can do i did the rest she helped me .. so sweet of her..so nice .. well now i know i hate a/c stuff.. ahahaz
yes i just came back from the SFX retreat senter. i know you all may think it is gonna be a bad thing today that happen to me that i am gonna blow online!! not now man!! not now.. well i am all calm and peaceful!!! i must realli thank jon for it!! realli he told me things on my way home.. yes though i nearly kanna bang by the car on my way back home but than again i had a very nice time toking to him.. no nothing big not those kinda stuff but he was telling me what to do.. coz when iwas on my way to to makan dinner paul piss me off .. i tot he won't but he did.. what the hag.. but well that is all over coz i called him and he tok things with me i didn't have time to call jon back it was 2 am like that already!! well i had a nice time toking to paul i was telling him this things !! how i felt and all yes eventualli i am okie!! back again to normal!! trying hard to control myself!! hahaz.. well he will try not to make silli mistakes and all .. well anwyays today i aslo must thank paul he was the one who brought me to church i didn't wanna go onee but he come my house fetch me go church and than i went.. i went there iwas kinda touch by what i feel the atmospher and the people the songs and animation it was good.. st jude!! keep up the good work!! yes aunty sharon was the animator and her spiritual words touched me !! i felt his presence by me and also close to me i can't explain !! but yes i was kinda shock too.. i cried yes .. this was not sadness but joy!! i felt him so close how come last time i nv felt this way before why am i so stupid.. why am i so dumb.. well he is so humble so meek so gentle he waits for you to open the door to him i guess i shut it to him long enough for me to open to receive him slowly !!
looking at his passion i felt very bad i felt sad very low thta everytime i hurt someone i hurt him i pierced him and i take him and hang him on the cross once again!! .. yes i am sorry abt the religious stuff but indeed i am touched by HIM i realli wanna feel him again ..